For anyone who is trying to get pregnant, you probably know what the two week wait is. It's that two week window from the time you ovulate until you can take a pregnancy test.
Well, we are in the two week wait. I try not to stress out about it, or hang all my dreams in the outcome of that test, but it's hard you know?
This past weekend, we flew out to Atlanta to hang out with my husband's family and we got to see our not so little nephew. He turns 9 months today, and is huge! He's exceeding all the markers (I think!) He's cute and such a sweet baby. He will be walking in no time.
I'm not going to lie, seeing him, getting to hang out with him, and seeing my husband interacting with him, just about made my ovaries burst. I know that my husband will be a great dad and they were so sweet together.
We went to the Georgia Aquarium, which was pretty cool, especially with the walk through shark tank. We also went to the World of Coca Cola, and before you get to walk through the exhibits, they show this short movie. It was about sharing a Coke, but really it was people sharing and doing life together. There was one part where a couple was surprising a set of parents about becoming grandparents.
I almost started crying. Like, I felt it tug on my heartstrings. I want to do that for my parents and my in-laws. I want to see their faces and their reactions when we can finally tell them that we are expecting our own.
It's in times of waiting that you really learn about yourself and your faith. Do I trust God or am I putting my trust in myself? I know for a fact that I won't be able to do this without God. Only He is able to do amazing and miraculous things, and whenever we are blessed with a baby, it will truly be a gift and a miracle from God.
Living in a very NOW society, where people can get what they want nearly instantaneously, it's hard to wait. It's difficult to be patient. When we don't get what we want when we want it, we start to wonder if God is still out there and listening to us or not.
God is there. He is listening. But His plans are not our own.
This has been one of the hardest lessons for me to learn. My plans are good, but His plans are greater.
I have to trust that He has a plan for us and for our lives, and even though we may not understand His plan at this time, he is refining us for the future.
More often than not, that is way harder for me to understand than it is to type.
So here we are. In a season of waiting...within a season of waiting.
I believe that we can be parents, but I won't be wrapping my life's happiness and joy in this month's cycle. I know that's the hard part.
I have this inner battle - of being cautiously optimistic and realistic....but then I have to remind myself that God is able to do abundantly more that I could ever ask or imagine. He is able when I am not. He can do more than I ever could. However, it will all unfold in HIS timing, not my own!
Showing posts with label personal. Show all posts
Showing posts with label personal. Show all posts
You Are Not Alone
I never imagined that infertility would be a part of my life.
You typically imagine your life after high school and college to go a little something like this. Find a job, meet your future husband, get married, buy a house, have kids, enjoy life, and have the cycle repeat.
I didn't think that it would be so hard to not have kids yet in this time of our lives. I remember at the beginning of our marriage, we were conscious that we didn't want to start a family right away. Having spent most of our dating relationship long-distance, we wanted to be able to be together and it be just us for a while.
Once we decided that we were ready and would start trying, we had no idea what lay ahead of us.
Why is the infertility journey such a lonely one?
I think it's because no one really talks about it openly. There's a stigma to infertility. Like you are broken and incomplete. And in this age of social media, where everyone shares their best food forward all the time, openly sharing about infertility is one of the hardest things ever.
I believe that's why there is a strong infertility blogging community. There's something about just writing about your experience that someone may or may not see that is freeing. You can get all your thoughts and share your experiences and struggles, with a whole lot less fear of judgment.
Because the last thing that people going through infertility want is your pity. That is not a helpful reaction. At least it is not for me. I want nothing more than to be able to start our family. While you may be looking for the words to say to comfort a friend who is on this journey of infertility, telling them to "relax" or that it'll "just happen when it's supposed to" or to try old wives tale remedy XYZ is not the thing to say.
We know all those things. We've Googled. We've researched to our hearts content. We're on the constant search for anything and everything that might give us a fighting chance to get pregnant. And let's not even start thinking about how to stay pregnant.
I read a stat that 1 in 8 couples are going through infertility. That's 12.5% of the population! That's crazy. But in a way it's also comforting.
I know that one of the main emotions I have felt during this time in our lives is feeling like we're the only ones. Thanks to Facebook, it's easy to see EVERYONE ELSE who is pregnant, just gave birth, or are expecting their next kid. And all we want is to join that club.
Baby shower invitations feel like jabs to the stomach (though they are not, of course). The baby aisles at Target are adorable and heart wrenching. Gender reveals are so sweet, but you can't help but roll your eyes. You have to smile when you're around pregnant ladies even though you don't want to, AT ALL. It's not their fault. It's not, but when it's the one thing you want most, you can't help it.
A couple of things have helped me during this journey:
Sarah's Laughter Devotionals: I was randomly searching through the devotionals section of the Bible App and I looked up infertility, not expecting to find anything. I was pleasantly surprised to actually find two different devotionals for those needing encouragement during this time. My favorite of the two is Sarah's Laughter. You can also go to their website and sign up for daily encouraging emails which I really enjoy receiving. They always arrive at the right time.
Infertility Blogs: I don't remember when I first started to look for infertility blogs. I think it was around the time that I had been diagnosed with PCOS. I was looking for other people and their experiences with PCOS. That's when I found Chelsea's blog. And then I found Lisa's blog. Check out the list on Lisa's blog for other infertility bloggers.
Focusing on other things: This has been huge for me. I remember when we first realized that we were not going to have an easy time getting pregnant. I focused on it. I obsessed over it. I tried to find every cure, remedy, oil, magic, etc to help us get closer to our goal. But that's what's tricky about infertility. You can do all those things and still have no results. Instead, I decided to focus on my business (I'm a photographer) and on getting fit.
Getting fit: At the beginning of this year, I decided once and for all that I was going to get healthy and fit. Dealing with PCOS makes that a little bit more complicated, but I was not going to let that deter me. In February I joined a challenge group my friend was hosting and it made all the difference to have that kind of accountability in the group. It was great! I decided that I wanted to help others get fit too and became Beachbody Coach. Working on getting fit, while it doesn't make any promises of becoming a parent any time soon, will at least get me closer to my goal, feeling healthier, and happier in the midst of this lonely journey.
What can you do?
If you have a friend or family member who is going through infertility, reach out to them. Don't try to offer suggestions per se, but be there for them. Go out and grab lunch. Go to the movies. Go get a pedicure. Spend quality time with them to show that you care. Pray for them. Pray with them. Offer to let them vent to you, we all just want someone who will listen (to give our spouses a break!).
Be empathetic, not sympathetic. Please don't pity us. You may not understand what it's like, but that's okay. This journey is a unique one that only people who have been through it or are in it truly understand.
Infertility has truly been one of the craziest emotional roller coasters that I have ever been on. It makes me feel crazy. It makes me feel lost. I wish that there was a path carved out with clear directions on which way to go. Do we try more medication? Do we try for an IUI? Do we start saving for IVF? Do we hope that with lifestyle changes we're healthy enough for it to happen naturally? These are the questions constantly running through my head. (Not to mention the biological clock ticking away....)
If you are in the trenches of infertility, know that you are not alone.
WEEK 11 WRAP-UP: JAMIE EASON LIVE FIT PROGRAM
It's almost over!
On the one hand, I'm kind of sad.
On the other hand, I'm excited.
I'm excited to complete this program and be able to say that I made it through. I don't know if I've ever completed a full program from start to finish before. I usually lose steam about halfway through the program. Even though I missed a week, I'm at the end of Week 11 and next week is the last week.
I actually really enjoyed Week 11. It was circuits with less weight but more reps, and cycling through a circuit and THEN resting. I had to remind myself that this workout was more about reps and less about weight. But it was...dare I say, FUN?
But I will be honest. I know that I have not made the progress I had hoped I would because my nutrition is not 100% on point. It's not horrible, but I know that it could be better. There were some slip ups and some cheating. Okay, more than a few times of cheating, but I know that it's the reason for not losing weight.
And I know that it's not all about the number on the scale, but as a woman, I want to see that number go down! I'm just saying. But I know my problem. And I know that it's about progress, not perfection, so I won't beat myself up too much. Plus my husband says that he can see changes (even if I don't see them so much).
I just want to shake my fist at PCOS. It's a horrible disorder that makes it difficult to lose weight and makes you crave carbs! Any woman who is trying to lose weight's worst nightmare.
Oh well. I just have to keep chugging along. I have to remind myself that I have lost 30lbs since 2011...and that I used to be 30lbs heavier. It's these last set that are hard to get rid of.
Plus, FOOD IS DELICIOUS.
I really wish I loved vegetables.
Week 6 Wrap-Up: Jamie Eason Live Fit Program
Halfway done with the program! And I'm feeling great! And I feel like I'm Internet yelling! (which I wouldn't do in real life....it's easy to be excited online.)
Week 6 was interesting. My schedule was jam packed with things to do besides the gym, but I still made time to workout Monday-Wednesday and Friday-Saturday. I decided to make the effort to go into work early so that I could leave early and hit up the gym. Or, like on Tuesday, where I felt like Superwoman because I dealt with some fraudulent charges on my debit card (thanks random person in South Carolina), walked my dog twice, went to get gas instead of running on fumes, had a photoshoot at the State Fair, and finished the day off at the gym. Under "normal" circumstances, I would have skipped the gym, but something in me was like, "you have time, you should go". So I did. Must be some extra energy from the regularity of working out. Let's go with it.
Week 6 workouts are identical to Week 5, with the incorporation of cardio on four days a week. I'm super excited that Gilmore Girls is now on Netflix because I have the perfect way to pass the time on the elliptical. I'm hoping that by adding cardio back into the workout, it'll start to burn a little more fat.
The crazy thing about working out is that you want to see changes. Okay, I want to see changes. But because you see yourself everyday, it's a lot harder to see your own changes. That's why I'm making an effort to take photos weekly so hopefully, when I look back, I'll see how far I've come. I've found that relying on the number on the scale is a lost cause.
Can I just say that I want the scale to budge?! Just a few pounds. While I'm glad that it hasn't gone up and since my heaviest-ever weight, I've lost 30lbs or so....it would be nice to see it go down a few more pounds. Especially with all my effort!
Food and nutrition is more of the same. I must say, however, that I'm a fan of my protein shakes that I drink as soon as I get home from the gym. Jamie talks about supplementation and I think that the protein shakes are a huge part of that!
I've been using Nature's Best Isopure Low Carb Dutch Chocolate Protein Powder. I also use it for the protein bars I've made. I love it because it tastes good when mixed with water (which seems rare in the protein shake world) and it packs 50g of protein per serving. I haven't found any other protein powder with that much protein. Most have 20-25g per serving. This one has double that! I've purchased it from Puritan's Pride and Amazon.
I've also been using Advocare's Catalyst, which is their BCAA (branch chain amino acids) product before I go workout. I can't say I notice a difference between taking them and not because since I've started this program, I've taken them every workout. I'd try it without them, but why do that?!
I can't believe that Week 7 is already here. At the outset, 12 weeks seems like a long time. But with how fast the days go by, it's really not that long!
Dear Aunt Flo...
Why must you show up at the most inopportune moments? Seriously.
My period tracker app, Glow, estimated that my period should start on October 2. Then, unbeknownst to me, on September 30th there seems to be some spotting (sorry if it's TMI). When I noticed, I start Googling, and I try to convince myself that maybe it's implantation bleeding. The only thing is that the dates don't line up for it to be that.
I try to talk myself out of the idea that it's my period coming. Because that means the Ovidrel didn't work. Because it means that I stabbed myself in the stomach for seemingly nothing. Because it means that I wasted precious dollars on a dream deferred.
Alas, we are not pregnant. And AF came early. So instead of 28 days, it was 27. How rude is that? Especially when last month it was 31 days. Hey, body, get it together.
Seeing as how we're not pregnant, I'm giving the chemicals and drugs a rest. It was actually kind of weird to not start taking something on Day 3. It was a good feeling, strangely enough. I'm okay with it. I trust God and what he has planned for us, and it's this whole trying to get pregnant thing has me clinging to him. Trusting him. No matter what.
So what's next?
Well, in my never-ending research for resolving my PCOS and infertility, from supplements and superfoods, and vitamins and green smoothies, I started to look into Essential Oils. I have a handful of friends who swear by their oils for various uses, mostly for allergies, immunity, germs, and stress. Stuff started popping up in my Facebook feed more and more that I just had to check it out.
I'm a fairly skeptical person, and while I don't have any idea if Essential Oils will work for me or not, I'm thinking that at least it's all natural. It's not more chemicals and these oils have been shown to balance hormones (which is my main problem!) and help manage a whole bunch (too numerous to list) of ailments and issues.
After a lot of Googling and searching through blogs on Essential Oils, I found a few articles that specifically talked about PCOS and infertility. If figure that I can give it a whirl. Why not? It seems like a better choice than more Clomid and freaking my ovaries out and messing with natural hormones like estrogen and progesterone. I believe that I have estrogen-dominance and progesterone deficiency.
Fertility & PCOS:
Balanced Essentials
Essential Oils & Supplements for Male and Female Fertility
3 Essential Oils that Enhance Fertility
Essential Oils and Fertility
Female Infertility & Essential Oils
Increase Fertility with Essential Oils
Aromatherapy for Fertility
Ocotea Essential Oil
Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome
So I think that I'm going to take the plunge. Take the plunge into Essential Oils. Since I have a bunch of friends using Young Living, that's the route I've decided to go.
I'm looking forward to trying something new and healing myself naturally!
My period tracker app, Glow, estimated that my period should start on October 2. Then, unbeknownst to me, on September 30th there seems to be some spotting (sorry if it's TMI). When I noticed, I start Googling, and I try to convince myself that maybe it's implantation bleeding. The only thing is that the dates don't line up for it to be that.
I try to talk myself out of the idea that it's my period coming. Because that means the Ovidrel didn't work. Because it means that I stabbed myself in the stomach for seemingly nothing. Because it means that I wasted precious dollars on a dream deferred.
Alas, we are not pregnant. And AF came early. So instead of 28 days, it was 27. How rude is that? Especially when last month it was 31 days. Hey, body, get it together.
Seeing as how we're not pregnant, I'm giving the chemicals and drugs a rest. It was actually kind of weird to not start taking something on Day 3. It was a good feeling, strangely enough. I'm okay with it. I trust God and what he has planned for us, and it's this whole trying to get pregnant thing has me clinging to him. Trusting him. No matter what.
So what's next?
Well, in my never-ending research for resolving my PCOS and infertility, from supplements and superfoods, and vitamins and green smoothies, I started to look into Essential Oils. I have a handful of friends who swear by their oils for various uses, mostly for allergies, immunity, germs, and stress. Stuff started popping up in my Facebook feed more and more that I just had to check it out.
I'm a fairly skeptical person, and while I don't have any idea if Essential Oils will work for me or not, I'm thinking that at least it's all natural. It's not more chemicals and these oils have been shown to balance hormones (which is my main problem!) and help manage a whole bunch (too numerous to list) of ailments and issues.
After a lot of Googling and searching through blogs on Essential Oils, I found a few articles that specifically talked about PCOS and infertility. If figure that I can give it a whirl. Why not? It seems like a better choice than more Clomid and freaking my ovaries out and messing with natural hormones like estrogen and progesterone. I believe that I have estrogen-dominance and progesterone deficiency.
Fertility & PCOS:
Balanced Essentials
Essential Oils & Supplements for Male and Female Fertility
3 Essential Oils that Enhance Fertility
Essential Oils and Fertility
Female Infertility & Essential Oils
Increase Fertility with Essential Oils
Aromatherapy for Fertility
Ocotea Essential Oil
Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome
So I think that I'm going to take the plunge. Take the plunge into Essential Oils. Since I have a bunch of friends using Young Living, that's the route I've decided to go.
I'm looking forward to trying something new and healing myself naturally!
WEEK 4 WRAP-UP: JAMIE EASON LIVE FIT PROGRAM
I've made it through another week!
I'm kind of sad that the workouts won't be just weight lifting anymore as cardio starts up next week. But I guess it's needed for further progress.
I can already see that things are about to get tough in terms of being able to keep my schedule of working out while balancing work, photo shoots, and other social events. I'm not a huge social butterfly, so I think in most cases I'll be able to bow out of events, but there are just some things that are going to bump my workouts.
I'm loving the weight lifting though. I can feel myself feel stronger in just these four weeks. I'm looking forward to where I get in another eight weeks.
I know that I could be doing even better if I was really strict with my food, but the fact that I'm even making it to the gym on the daily, I'm going to give myself a high five for that alone.
Let's do this Week 5.
I'm kind of sad that the workouts won't be just weight lifting anymore as cardio starts up next week. But I guess it's needed for further progress.
I can already see that things are about to get tough in terms of being able to keep my schedule of working out while balancing work, photo shoots, and other social events. I'm not a huge social butterfly, so I think in most cases I'll be able to bow out of events, but there are just some things that are going to bump my workouts.
I'm loving the weight lifting though. I can feel myself feel stronger in just these four weeks. I'm looking forward to where I get in another eight weeks.
Also, I really need to work on gym selfies. I'm not very good...at all. But look! A wee muscle seems to be popping out in my bicep!
I know that I could be doing even better if I was really strict with my food, but the fact that I'm even making it to the gym on the daily, I'm going to give myself a high five for that alone.
Let's do this Week 5.
Natural Healing and All Things Woo-Woo
In our quest to get pregnant, I've been researching all kinds of things. And while I know it's more common to go the Western route and find a good reproductive endocrinologist (RE), there's just something about all the drugs and chemicals that makes me wary.
My period tracking app, Glow, tells me that I should get my next period on October 2. This has me thinking about several things. First, what if the Ovidrel and Clomid works and we get pregnant?! Second, what if the Ovidrel and Clomid didn't work, and yet another month "wasted". Third, what can I be doing to help myself that doesn't involve medication? Fourth, could this nutrition testing thing really work?
The "What-If's" are killer. I know I shouldn't dwell in them. It'll make me crazy.
So, I don't even know the actual "correct" term of the appointments I'm going to. But it's through my chiropractors office and they call it "Nutrition". I think the tech is a naturopath, trained in nutrition testing. Basically, she checks my nervous system for pulses and can find my deficiencies and areas that need supplementation.
Yeah, it looks and seems totally woo-woo.
I'm like, I could totally fake that. How do I know what she's doing is even real? How does she "feel" these things? It's really weird. But every time that I see her, and she gives me a new supplement, I Google it, and it seems to line up. On my first visit, she asked me if I ever had trouble with my thyroid. And I know that I'm probably a good candidate for hypothyroidism, but it's never come up with my doctor.
Anyway, I take so many supplements these days it's comical. I take Advocare's MNS 3 packets. I also take a whole host of different whole food supplements from my chiropractor. On top of that I have my Metformin prescription for the PCOS and prenatal vitamins. I imagine I have some really expensive pee.
Too far?
And then this cycle we did the Clomid and Ovidrel. Gosh, this waiting period is long, yet short. It's one of those situations where I just want to know! So that I can move to the next step, depending on what that is. I know that I shouldn't live in anticipation of what's next, but rather savor where I am now. I do. I try not to think about it too much, but when I walk my dog in the mornings, it's thoughts like this that tend to consume me.
I'm also wondering if at the end of the 12 nutrition appointments, if I should continue. It's OF COURSE not covered by insurance, so it's all out of pocket, and with the number of supplements I'm taking on a daily basis, it adds up quickly.
Thanks to good ol' Google, you can find a lot of information, and I have been reading up on Natural Fertility Info, and I think that may be next (if the Ovidrel didn't do it's thing). I've been reading about Femaprin and Maca Root, Vitex, Royal Jelly, and Evening Primrose Oil.
I told my husband that if we don't get pregnant, that I'd like to give the prescriptions a rest for the remainder of the year. Trying to get pregnant is hard work! (Yes, that's funny depending how you read it.) It's also way more difficult for us who have conditions like PCOS. Oh and I just learned that September is PCOS Awareness Month. If you want a comprehensive rundown of PCOS, check out Chelsea's post here.
My period tracking app, Glow, tells me that I should get my next period on October 2. This has me thinking about several things. First, what if the Ovidrel and Clomid works and we get pregnant?! Second, what if the Ovidrel and Clomid didn't work, and yet another month "wasted". Third, what can I be doing to help myself that doesn't involve medication? Fourth, could this nutrition testing thing really work?
The "What-If's" are killer. I know I shouldn't dwell in them. It'll make me crazy.
So, I don't even know the actual "correct" term of the appointments I'm going to. But it's through my chiropractors office and they call it "Nutrition". I think the tech is a naturopath, trained in nutrition testing. Basically, she checks my nervous system for pulses and can find my deficiencies and areas that need supplementation.
Yeah, it looks and seems totally woo-woo.
I'm like, I could totally fake that. How do I know what she's doing is even real? How does she "feel" these things? It's really weird. But every time that I see her, and she gives me a new supplement, I Google it, and it seems to line up. On my first visit, she asked me if I ever had trouble with my thyroid. And I know that I'm probably a good candidate for hypothyroidism, but it's never come up with my doctor.
Anyway, I take so many supplements these days it's comical. I take Advocare's MNS 3 packets. I also take a whole host of different whole food supplements from my chiropractor. On top of that I have my Metformin prescription for the PCOS and prenatal vitamins. I imagine I have some really expensive pee.
Too far?
And then this cycle we did the Clomid and Ovidrel. Gosh, this waiting period is long, yet short. It's one of those situations where I just want to know! So that I can move to the next step, depending on what that is. I know that I shouldn't live in anticipation of what's next, but rather savor where I am now. I do. I try not to think about it too much, but when I walk my dog in the mornings, it's thoughts like this that tend to consume me.
I'm also wondering if at the end of the 12 nutrition appointments, if I should continue. It's OF COURSE not covered by insurance, so it's all out of pocket, and with the number of supplements I'm taking on a daily basis, it adds up quickly.
Thanks to good ol' Google, you can find a lot of information, and I have been reading up on Natural Fertility Info, and I think that may be next (if the Ovidrel didn't do it's thing). I've been reading about Femaprin and Maca Root, Vitex, Royal Jelly, and Evening Primrose Oil.
I told my husband that if we don't get pregnant, that I'd like to give the prescriptions a rest for the remainder of the year. Trying to get pregnant is hard work! (Yes, that's funny depending how you read it.) It's also way more difficult for us who have conditions like PCOS. Oh and I just learned that September is PCOS Awareness Month. If you want a comprehensive rundown of PCOS, check out Chelsea's post here.
I know it's in this period of waiting that I need to hold tight to my faith. And that's always the hardest time to do that. I know that He is able to exceed beyond what we could ever ask for or imagine. So I do, I hold tight to His promises and His will, especially during this time of waiting.
Week 2 Wrap-Up: Jamie Eason's Live Fit Program
It's really kind of weird to be saying that I've enjoyed working out. But, I've enjoyed working out on this program so far. It's probably because there's no cardio involved.
I know some people are crazy about cardio.
I am not one of those people.
That's why I'm super happy to get in and out of the gym and completely bypassing the cardio machines.
Most of the workouts require free weights and there have been times where I feel like I have to fight people for equipment, but for the most part, I'm able to grab the machines or weights without a problem.
Things I've learned/observed since starting back at the gym:
I know some people are crazy about cardio.
I am not one of those people.
That's why I'm super happy to get in and out of the gym and completely bypassing the cardio machines.
Most of the workouts require free weights and there have been times where I feel like I have to fight people for equipment, but for the most part, I'm able to grab the machines or weights without a problem.
Things I've learned/observed since starting back at the gym:
- The receptionist at this 24-Hour Fitness rocks a crooked weave. It's one of those things where you wonder if they know just how bad/fake it looks. AND IF IT'S ON PURPOSE.
- There are a lot of big dudes that workout here. Like with big muscles. And they're always here when I get here. Which makes me wonder do they work or what?
- I get really annoyed when people monopolize the equipment. All I need is about 10-15 minutes (probably less) with the squat rack. This woman took her sweet time and must have done like 8 sets. Like I get it, but there are other people here! Stop being selfish.
- People are sweaty. And it's really gross when said sweaty people don't wipe down equipment after using it. I don't want your sweat mixed with mine. That's gross. I'm sweaty too.
- WHO ARE THESE WOMEN WHO ARE WEARING FULL ON MAKEUP AT THE GYM?
- And same said women who are clearly wearing their outfits in an attempt to catch anyone's eye. I know this has to do with self confidence.
- I'm a terrible gym selfie taker.
I can say that even though it's only been two weeks, I definitely feel a little bit stronger. I've been able to up the amount of weight I've been lifting, although I'm trying not to rush it.
As far as the food front goes, it's going okay. It could definitely be better.
I've been good about bringing my lunch to work, which helps me not to stray out to a fast food joint. I'm not going to lie, French Fries and Shakes sound delicious!
I have to say that Jamie Eason's Chocolate Protein Bars have been my saving grace. They satisfy my sweet tooth and I love that it's not cheating!
I do wish that I liked cooking more. It's not that I hate it, it's more that I feel like I hit a wall when it comes to figuring out what to make. If I could have my meal plan decided, purchased, and prepped for me, I'd have no problem with cooking every night. Sadly, that would mean hiring a personal chef. Not something in my budget.
Overall, I'm really happy that I'm doing this program, taking it day by day. I'm looking forward to see what kind of progress I can make happen.
Jealousy vs. Joy
No one really talks about it.
No one wants to admit that they struggle with it.
No one wants to show they true colors when it comes to the color green.
But I'll admit it.
I'm jealous.
I'm jealous of all the pregnant women I see. I know that deep down I'm happy for them, but the first thing I feel, especially lately is jealousy. Envy. I covet what they have.
I know that Envy is one of the Seven Deadly Sins.
And it is for a reason.
Envy eats at you. It makes you unhappy. It causes a pit to form in your stomach. It's not a good feeling.
But I would be lying if I said that I didn't feel jealous.
Infertility is a lonely road.
No thanks to that chap, Comparison.
It's so true that...
Comparison is the Thief of Joy
In moments when I feel like comparing where I am now to someone else's journey it's both unproductive and a major buzzkill.
It sucks to compare.
AND YET, IT'S SO EASY.
I think because it's easy to compare and to feel jealous, it's the go-to emotion.
You know what's hard?
Contentment.
Joy.
In a time that feels like you'll never get ahead, joy is the last thing you want to feel for someone else. Contentment feels like waving the white flag. But it's not.
Joy and contentment are way harder, but so much better for you.
I do my best to feel joy for my friends who are expecting.
I do my best to be content with where I am.
I know I'm not in control, as much as I would like to be in the driver's seat. It's in giving up that control that joy and contentment can take over, in a good way.
No one wants to admit that they struggle with it.
No one wants to show they true colors when it comes to the color green.
But I'll admit it.
I'm jealous.
I'm jealous of all the pregnant women I see. I know that deep down I'm happy for them, but the first thing I feel, especially lately is jealousy. Envy. I covet what they have.
I know that Envy is one of the Seven Deadly Sins.
And it is for a reason.
Envy eats at you. It makes you unhappy. It causes a pit to form in your stomach. It's not a good feeling.
But I would be lying if I said that I didn't feel jealous.
Infertility is a lonely road.
No thanks to that chap, Comparison.
It's so true that...
Comparison is the Thief of Joy
In moments when I feel like comparing where I am now to someone else's journey it's both unproductive and a major buzzkill.
It sucks to compare.
AND YET, IT'S SO EASY.
I think because it's easy to compare and to feel jealous, it's the go-to emotion.
You know what's hard?
Contentment.
Joy.
In a time that feels like you'll never get ahead, joy is the last thing you want to feel for someone else. Contentment feels like waving the white flag. But it's not.
Joy and contentment are way harder, but so much better for you.
I do my best to feel joy for my friends who are expecting.
I do my best to be content with where I am.
I know I'm not in control, as much as I would like to be in the driver's seat. It's in giving up that control that joy and contentment can take over, in a good way.
Goal Setting + Making Things Happen in 2013: Part 2
The end of the year and beginning of a new year always makes me very reflective. I like to think about what happened, what worked, what didn't work, and what's next. Thanks to Lara Casey for these prompts to get the ball rolling.
STEP FOUR: What are the three biggest lessons you learned from what DID work?
STEP FIVE: What are the three biggest things you learned from what DIDN’T work?
STEP SIX: What is your 2013 VISION? What kind of life do you want to live this year? Where do you want to be when you’re 80? WHY do you do what you do? What is your mission? What is your CORE?
I want to live my life with an abundance mentality. Of giving, of sharing, of growing. Of helping others. I want to live a life where I'm not worried about money or not having enough. I want to live a life where there's always enough and more and enough to share, whether it's money, time, resources, or knowledge. I want to be surrounded by those that matter most to me, building a life with my husband that is full of joy and centered on the Lord. I want to live an authentic life, where I can share my heart and not worry about what other people may think of me. I want to live with confidence in who I am, in who I am in my marriage, and who I will become as we start a family. I want to spend my days filling my life with inspiring things, not getting caught up in what other people are doing. Happily celebrating other people's successes. I want to live a bright, inspired, authentic life. (I'm still figuring out how to do that). When I'm 80, I want to have an arsenal of life stories to share with my grandchildren. I want to go on adventures. I want to travel. I want to see the world beyond the social media walls. I want to change the lives of others, even if in just a small way. I want to help women feel important and beautiful when they don't see it themselves. I want to have a successful business - one that is both fulfilling and takes care of the needs of my family. I want to create art, but I also want to run a profitable business. I want to meet people and build meaningful connections, knowing that it means that not everyone will be my friend. I want to live a life freed from the chains of comparison. I want to live a life that is open to trying new things. I want to have a life that gives more than it receives. I want to live a passionate life, passionate about my work. I want to write my own definition of success. I want to have a life that is simple. I want simplify what is complicated and life my best life yet. I want to help people. I want to inspire people. I want to add value to the lives of others. I want to put myself out there more. Create more. Listen to my heart. Listen to advice from people who have my back. Eat less, move more. Buy Less, make more. Stress less, laugh more. Feel blessed, love more. Worry less, live more. Breathe.
STEP FOUR: What are the three biggest lessons you learned from what DID work?
- Trust God. Always. This has got to be the biggest lesson I've learned this year. It took a long time to get me to this place; this place of turning to God first in all situations good and bad and talking to Him to get me through it. And in trusting Him, I surrender my control. For a control freak, that's saying a lot. But every time that I turned to Him first, I got an answer. That doesn't mean that it was my answer, but it was what was in his plan for me.
- Do what you love. I found that I did my best work when I was excited and passionate about it. It's tough to get through a project that you don't care about or have any motivation for. A couple of the styled photo shoots I worked on this year really fired me up and made me see that doing what I love creates the best work. In addition, listening to my heart. For the last several months, even through the rebranding process, I've questioned whether or not to continue with weddings as a core part of my business. I've prayed on it and asked God to remove the desire from my heart if it is not something I should continue to pursue. I believe that in listening to my heart, I'm listening to God and his plan for my life. There's just a little part of me that wants to hold on to that idea that the whole reason I started was to shoot weddings, and that by giving it up, I'll be giving up my dream. But there's some quote that says you have to say "no" to good things to say "yes" to great things....I'm still reflecting and praying on this!
- Focus on what matters most. This has been a huge lesson to me this year. While it was highlighted during the course of Making Things Happen Intensive in Austin, I believe that it's been something tugging at my heart strings this year. What matters most in my life? To me it's my husband, my family, my dog, my inner circle of friends. People. Connections. Feeding that connectedness makes me come alive. Everything else, just secondary. I know that if I focus on what matters most, I'll have everything that I need. I won't get caught up in frivolous things..like social media banter and useless gossip. I want to spend more time with family (though we have no family that is local), more time with friends (we really want to host more), and start a family of our own.
STEP FIVE: What are the three biggest things you learned from what DIDN’T work?
- Don't worry. Pray. Worrying. It's pointless. And as a recovering worrier...I've learned to pray instead. One of the greatest things that I've done in just the last quarter of 2012 was to write down my prayers. It's been really cool to go back and see how God has moved in my life and in the life of others. There were nights this year where I wouldn't be able to sleep because I was worried about something and my mind would just run around like a hamster in a wheel. On and on. It's been a process, but now whenever I start to feel some worries come on, I turn to prayer, whether it's on paper or just talking to God. A few months ago, after reading a devotional from our church, part of the task was to sit down and just talk to God as if He was sitting across the table from me. It was awkward at first, but at the same time, it was freeing and liberating just giving it all to Him. I even got emotional in some of my prayers...probably because they meant so much. So prayer has been HUGE for me this year, especially in the face of worry.
- Comparison is the thief of joy. I know that I cannot compare my successes/failures to someone else's successes/failures. But it's so easy! And the fastest way to launching myself into discouragement is comparing myself with others. Thanks to good ol' social media, it's even easier to sit behind my computer screen and see what everyone else is doing/sharing/making happen. And it's really easy to make it look like I'm doing big things thanks to social media...It's really interesting whenever I talk to someone and they ask me about my business. "Oh looks like you've been busy" "Looks like you're doing really well" "Seems like you're always doing something." Looks can be deceiving, my friends. And this is where I struggle in the digital world. It's easy to look busy. But busy doesn't mean successful, necessarily. When other people comment that it looks like I've been busy, it's hard to just admit that, "no, not really," or "actually my business needs more clients" or anything of the sort. I feel like admitting that my business is not where I want it to be shows weakness. Part of me strives to be authentic at all times, but the other part of me is terrified of looking vulnerable because in my mind that's a sign of weakness and failure. I know that's not the case. I think it might be different if those reading my blog were purely other photographers and creatives...but since there may also be potential clients, I feel like looking like a hot mess, like I don't know what I'm doing could be detrimental....is this the case?! My fear is that I don't want to appear like a failure to others. I know that one of the biggest things I struggle with on a constant basis is knowing that I am enough and that the opinions and thoughts of "others" don't matter. You know, I thought that those insecurities would be gone when high school is over, but that's definitely not the case.
- Push through the difficult things to get to the good things. I have a fear of money. Not having enough of it. Running out of it. This whole scarcity mentality going on. Because of that, I don't like to look at my finances (until absolutely necessary) which I know is not healthy in either my personal life or my business. So instead of cringing to look at my bank account, I set up a date with myself once a month to check everything out and make sure that it's on track. I've actually found joy using Excel spreadsheets to keep things in check and I use Outright.com for my business. Outright makes it super easy to keep track of business income and expenses without making it complicated. I've found that whenever I do get into my finances, business or personal, and push through it, I'm always relieved and glad that I did, in fact do it. There's something to be said for "ignorance is bliss"...until you've ignored it so long that it's out of control. Something that we're working on in 2013 is to get out of debt (minus the house) and I've read Dave Ramsey's book Total Money Makeover and after working some numbers, we can do it! These things aren't fun, but once you do them, it makes life so much easier.
STEP SIX: What is your 2013 VISION? What kind of life do you want to live this year? Where do you want to be when you’re 80? WHY do you do what you do? What is your mission? What is your CORE?
I want to live my life with an abundance mentality. Of giving, of sharing, of growing. Of helping others. I want to live a life where I'm not worried about money or not having enough. I want to live a life where there's always enough and more and enough to share, whether it's money, time, resources, or knowledge. I want to be surrounded by those that matter most to me, building a life with my husband that is full of joy and centered on the Lord. I want to live an authentic life, where I can share my heart and not worry about what other people may think of me. I want to live with confidence in who I am, in who I am in my marriage, and who I will become as we start a family. I want to spend my days filling my life with inspiring things, not getting caught up in what other people are doing. Happily celebrating other people's successes. I want to live a bright, inspired, authentic life. (I'm still figuring out how to do that). When I'm 80, I want to have an arsenal of life stories to share with my grandchildren. I want to go on adventures. I want to travel. I want to see the world beyond the social media walls. I want to change the lives of others, even if in just a small way. I want to help women feel important and beautiful when they don't see it themselves. I want to have a successful business - one that is both fulfilling and takes care of the needs of my family. I want to create art, but I also want to run a profitable business. I want to meet people and build meaningful connections, knowing that it means that not everyone will be my friend. I want to live a life freed from the chains of comparison. I want to live a life that is open to trying new things. I want to have a life that gives more than it receives. I want to live a passionate life, passionate about my work. I want to write my own definition of success. I want to have a life that is simple. I want simplify what is complicated and life my best life yet. I want to help people. I want to inspire people. I want to add value to the lives of others. I want to put myself out there more. Create more. Listen to my heart. Listen to advice from people who have my back. Eat less, move more. Buy Less, make more. Stress less, laugh more. Feel blessed, love more. Worry less, live more. Breathe.
Goal Setting + Making Things Happen in 2013: Part 1
As a business person, I often struggle with the idea of posting deeply personal posts that would show my weaknesses. There is a fine line between being authentic and showing that you're a hot mess. Because while it's a goal of mine to be authentic in everything I write on my photography blog, at the same time, I don't want to look like I don't know what I'm doing...as if I shouldn't be in business. You know what I mean?
There's this line of keeping up appearances and having it all together and just admitting that I don't have it all together. But if my potential client is reading... wouldn't that make her close the window and run away? As you can see, I struggle with this question. A LOT.
I feel like for the last year, I've been blogging on my photography blog, no longer for myself, but for the reader in mind. And with that, I think that I have lost my voice in the process. There's just something that has changed. Like my blogging voice has become more business-y and I don't know how to get back to just being me.
Earlier this year, I rebranded and worked with a talented group of women who came up with my three words that I should always be keeping in mind - bright, authentic, and inspired. Part of me feels conflicted in trying to stay authentic, without revealing what a hot mess I really am. How do you reconcile this?
One of my favorite and inspiring people in the world is Lara Casey, and I feel privileged to call her a friend as well. She blogged about Goal Setting + Making Things Happen in 2013 and I'm sharing my journey here.
STEP ONE: Let's take a look back at what worked in 2012. Make your list of things you made happen in 2012 and things you are grateful for.
STEP TWO: What didn't work? In business and life, what didn't work well to help you live your best life this year and what needs improvement?
STEP THREE: What fires you up?
My husband
Traveling
FRANCE!
dachshunds - Kevin
the ocean
spending time in the Word
date nights
writing
excel spreadsheets
coffee
conversations
community
friendship
fellowship
vacation, time off, time away
family
making babies happen
getting healthy - for good
efficiency
organized spaces
the beach
making someone feel important/beautiful
being authentic
sharing helping others
flexibility
financial stability
faith & tithing
simplicity
culture
interracial, interfaith, intercultural weddings, marriages, children
Making Things Happen in 2013: my Pinterest board of what fires me up!
What fires you up?
There's this line of keeping up appearances and having it all together and just admitting that I don't have it all together. But if my potential client is reading... wouldn't that make her close the window and run away? As you can see, I struggle with this question. A LOT.
I feel like for the last year, I've been blogging on my photography blog, no longer for myself, but for the reader in mind. And with that, I think that I have lost my voice in the process. There's just something that has changed. Like my blogging voice has become more business-y and I don't know how to get back to just being me.
Earlier this year, I rebranded and worked with a talented group of women who came up with my three words that I should always be keeping in mind - bright, authentic, and inspired. Part of me feels conflicted in trying to stay authentic, without revealing what a hot mess I really am. How do you reconcile this?
One of my favorite and inspiring people in the world is Lara Casey, and I feel privileged to call her a friend as well. She blogged about Goal Setting + Making Things Happen in 2013 and I'm sharing my journey here.
STEP ONE: Let's take a look back at what worked in 2012. Make your list of things you made happen in 2012 and things you are grateful for.
- I'm so thankful for my husband. He is my rock and the logical one when I get stressed out. He always finds the silver lining when I don't. He talks me off the ledge and encourages me like no one else. I'm so thankful for our marriage and trusting the Lord through it all.
- This year, we adopted Kevin, a black and tan dachshund who is just a wonderful addition to our family. I was so hesitant to adopt a dog; I didn't think I wanted the responsibility. But his picture came up on a local Dachshund rescue board, and I was in love. I applied and we were able to adopt him! I wouldn't trade him for the world, even if he makes a mistake in the house.
- I'm super grateful for the last year on my faith journey. This year has shown me undoubtedly that I am where I'm supposed to be. I can see how God orchestrated my life to come to Texas so that I could have a relationship with Him. A real relationship. One that includes time in the Word, attending a great church, serving, having a great Home Team (small group), and real prayer. I didn't really realize all of this until this year, and I am so thankful for all of His blessings. I am thankful for a relationship with the Lord and the ability to talk to God when I need to. I'm so thankful for His grace. Life would not be the same. And for me to even talk about it is huge. I am often hesitant to speak on my faith, especially growing up in California where it's taboo to offend anyone about anything. I'm still getting comfortable talking about my story, but I'm getting there. I LOVE our Home Team - it has been such a blessing to be a part of this group and I'm looking forward to growing in fellowship with them in 2013.
- I'm also thankful to be able to serve through my talents with the photography ministry at church. It's great to be able to help when I can. I'm also thankful that I started to serve with The Mix, the student ministry at church. The students have an inspiring energy to learn and know Jesus...something I wish I had at that age. I also completed a 365 day devotional that finished today... while I didn't read every day - I did read every weekday and spent time in the Word with God and just giving it all to Him. So thankful.
- I'm thankful for my business. It hasn't been easy building a business from the ground up. I try to remind myself of that all the time. Sometimes I hope and I wish that there was such a thing as overnight success, but I know that is just a pipe dream, and that's okay. I know that doing the hard work is worth it. I know that if it were easy, everyone would be doing it. I choose to do it because I love it. This year, I dove into the genre of high school senior portraiture for girls and I've loved it! While the clientele is still slowly building, I did have my first full paying client and I'm excited to see where this goes.
- I also dabbled in some glamour photography a la Sue Bryce (a brilliant New Zealand/Australian portrait photographer!) It was so fun. I'm not quite ready to launch that side, but I believe that it will be done in 2013.
- I rebranded this year! Finally. I was sitting on a brand...well, a logo really, and it just wasn't working for me anymore. I worked with some wonderful women to really define my identity and I'm thrilled with the results. I love that the words that they came up with as my branding words are "bright, inspired, and authentic" things that I strive to be in business and my life. This has been something I've been wanting to get done for almost two year. Check and mark.
- I love education, especially in the photography industry and I'm so thankful for being able to help and attend The Fix, go to WPPI in Las Vegas, and attend Making Things Happen in Austin. The Fix and WPPI were photography related and MTH Austin was life related and just what I needed to fire me up.
- I took on a goal of mine - to host a workshop - which I did with a friend, Elisa - called Lookbook Lab. I love the name of it. It was something I dreamed of and I'm stoked we made it happen. I also did two styled shoots, one was my idea - a 4th of July inspired shoot and one I photographed for a designer - a glamping shoot. Both took lots of hard work and determination to make them happen and I'm so happy they came together.
- I photographed one wedding this year and had the opportunity to second shoot several times this year. I also photographed details for a few clients, which I love! It's quick and the work is always beautiful AND it's something that the client needs because usually the photographer that's there, doesn't care about the details - their work!
- I finally put some elbow grease into make my office a real office after living in this house for three years. I finally got some cubby shelving and painted the office. I still have another wall to paint, which I will get done this year. The office will be completed this year!
- I was stoked that the casting calls I did for high school senior girls went great. I was looking for a handful of girls and actually had 16! I had so many that I broke it up into 3 different shoots.
- I also went back to California to serve my loyal family session clients. While I don't take on family session work, I will totally fly to California for them!
- I'm grateful that we were able to spend the holidays with family. Thanksgiving with my family in California and Christmas with his family in Georgia. I wish that we could have stayed with my family for longer, but alas, that's the way the cookie crumbles.
- I went to the dentist. FINALLY.
- Making a dream come true: booking a wedding for a dear friend in...FRANCE!! Yahoo!
STEP TWO: What didn't work? In business and life, what didn't work well to help you live your best life this year and what needs improvement?
- Overall office organization TOTALLY needs work. I admit that I'm a piler, not a filer. And I get comfortable in the mess as well. If a neat freak saw my desk right now, they probably would fall down dead. I really want to get better in the organization department this year. I know that it will take baby steps, but I need to be more organized. I want to attack office clutter with a vengeance and stop it before it becomes clutter. Clutter is crazy and then I get to the point where I'm just complacent with it and just let it sit.
- I'm terrible about money sometimes. I'm either really good or really horrible. I just avoid it. But I know that it no way to live. ESPECIALLY having a business. I need to know where I am and where I want to go. So at the end of the year, I got really serious and busted out the Excel and made spreadsheets and started organizing myself. Things I should have done since January.
- Okay, this is a hard one for me because this is something that I've been wanting to make work for 2.5 years and it's still a struggle. It makes me question if I should even continue to pursue it anymore: weddings. I was really hoping that after my first wedding in Texas that it would create some referrals and that would start to grow, but if I'm being really honest, it hasn't. Weddings hasn't worked for me. And I get really bummed out because I start to compare myself to other people and their tons of bookings and I start to wonder what's wrong with me. But on the other hand, maybe this is God's way of telling me to focus on the other genres? I pray all the time for this clarity, and I'm just looking for the discernment to follow what He wants me to do.
- I had the stint of Glamour portfolio building and I gave referral cards to each client, but it did not generate the referrals that I thought it would. This is something I'm working on in 2013.
- While I did have something published, I had a couple of projects that I was not able to get published. And bear with me this is going to be a moment of "woe-is-me" but there are some styled shoots out there where I wonder why didn't they ask me to shoot it... I know, it's terrible. It makes me question my work. It's crazy, but it's the honest truth. It makes me think that there's something wrong with my work....like I'm not hipster or artsy enough...alas.
- Facebook promos offering sales - this didn't work. And I'm okay with it. I would much rather have a qualified client over someone looking for a deal. I just thought that "everyone else is doing it..." Yeah, I shouldn't have thought that.
- So earlier this year I found out that I may have a condition called Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) which could cause infertility. My doctor told me that the number one way to help is to lose some weight and lessen the amount of carbs consumed. THOSE EVIL CARBS! So I researched and learned about eating Paleo - basically meat, vegetables, and fruits. Eating like a caveman. I found it kind of hard and after a few weeks gave up. I felt great after I started, but I lacked the discipline to keep going. Will restart in 2013.
- Exercising - I started 2012 pretty well. Then, after we got the dog, I fell off the bandwagon and made excuses not to exercise. Exercise will go hand in hand with getting in shape especially if we want to start a family in 2013.
- I think that I may have been kind of depressed part of the year in 2012. About my business. So I allowed myself to get complacent and be lazy. I would wake up and after I read my Bible and prayed, I would watch episodes of Criminal Minds and Gilmore Girls..and before I knew it, it was 11am, and I hadn't done any work. I would waste most of the day because I didn't know what I should be doing and I was bored and depressed. I still battle it at times, especially when I see what other people are doing and I compare myself and wish for what they had. I know, it's terrible, but it's honest.
- So I have this dry erase calendar on the wall that I used in January. And NEVER ERASED for the next month. In fact, I only erased it in December to start over for 2013. I plan to do better.
- I really wanted to thrill my client and give them gifts for booking and the like. My follow up and follow through has been less than stellar. The customer service has been good with email and such, but the client experience has't been all that I want it to be. Same goes for packaging. I think that because I didn't have a huge client base or wasn't busy all the time, I let the idea of packaging slide. So when I finally had a client to serve, I ran around like a chicken with my head cut off trying to figure out what to do for packaging. That, and my rebrand and it being up in the air for a while.
- In addition to overall organization, I lacked a real set workflow. The workflow I had after the photos were edited was kind of crazy and didn't work. I've been wanting to refine my workflow forever and this year it needs to happen. I need to set myself up for success.
STEP THREE: What fires you up?
My husband
Traveling
FRANCE!
dachshunds - Kevin
the ocean
spending time in the Word
date nights
writing
excel spreadsheets
coffee
conversations
community
friendship
fellowship
vacation, time off, time away
family
making babies happen
getting healthy - for good
efficiency
organized spaces
the beach
making someone feel important/beautiful
being authentic
sharing helping others
flexibility
financial stability
faith & tithing
simplicity
culture
interracial, interfaith, intercultural weddings, marriages, children
Making Things Happen in 2013: my Pinterest board of what fires me up!
What fires you up?
Goals for 2013
It's almost the end of the year. If you're one of those people who sitting on pins and needles for the end of days tomorrow, good luck. I'm not holding my breath.
Just 5 days until Christmas.
This time of the year, I always find myself thinking about next year. And EVERY. SINGLE. YEAR. I always say that "this year is going to be different".
Just 5 days until Christmas.
This time of the year, I always find myself thinking about next year. And EVERY. SINGLE. YEAR. I always say that "this year is going to be different".
- I'm going to lose weight
- I'm going to get organized
- I'm going to eat more vegetables
- I'm going to be successful
And then, by the middle of the year, I've lost steam in my goals that I set in January and find myself slowly slipping back into bad habits and giving up on those goals. It's awful
This year I did lose 20lbs! But then, by September, I lost steam and have gained a little bit of the weight back. And now that we're in holiday mode, I've put off all exercise and healthy eating until the new year.
With planning to have a baby in 2013/2014, I need to get really serious about my health. My OBGYN said that if I lost about 20lbs, it would help with what she suspects could be PCOS - polycystic ovarian syndrome. While I haven't been formally diagnosed yet (we'll test at my next annual exam), I've read all the symptoms and my OB says I fit the description.
PCOS totally stinks too because it isn't curable, it's merely manageable. It includes symptoms such as trouble losing weight, excess hair, acne, irregular periods, and fertility problems - awesome, right?!
Thankfully, some of the symptoms can be reversed/reduced through diet and exercise, and sadly, by limiting carbs. Sugar is evil and yet so delicious!
Anyway, all that to say that I've been seriously thinking about my goals for 2013. And I think that what happens to me is that I get all excited about setting goals, but I don't really make them that specific or measurable. Instead, they are big, vague, and overwhelming. So this year, I'm laying them out here. Sharing them on this little blog, and hopefully giving me some accountability for making things happen personally.
My 2013 Goals
I'm sure that I will continue to add things to this list for 2013, but I just wanted to get things started before 2013 is actually here! I'm also thinking about starting a a 101 in 1001 list - starting January 1, 2013 and ending September 28, 2015. We'll see.
Health
- I want to lose 20lbs in 2013 and keep it off.
- I want to track progress - eating and working out.
- I want to get pregnant in 2013.
Life
- I want to celebrate our 30th birthdays with my husband with a party surrounded by good friends.
- We want to host at least 3 parties at our home.
- I want to go out to dinner with friends at least once every other month.
Travel
- I want to go to France with my husband. (Possible baby-moon.)
- We want to go on at least 2 vacations.
- We want to not travel during the holidays in 2013.
Organization
- I want to start meal planning on a weekly basis so that I cook at least 3 days a week.
- I want to get organized - better filing, less clutter with paperwork.
- I want to finish painting my office and make it a truly functional space.
- I want to create a "chores" list of sorts so that regular cleaning occurs each week.
What are some of your goals for next year?
PCOS - Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome
I was trying to figure out if I want to even talk about this on the blog, but I figure that it's part of my journey and if it helps just one person with their journey, then that'll be a great thing.
I went to my new OBGYN back in April for my annual women's exam. You know the one. With paper gowns and stirrups. Fun times. My mom had suggested that I ask the doctor about PCOS - polycystic ovarian syndrome - maybe I had it? I had some of the symptoms - acne (I thought acne went away by the time you're in your late 20's), trouble losing weight (I mean, who doesn't have that problem, right?), excess facial hair (I had to admit to this, but it's downright awful), thinning scalp hair (my hair used to be fairly thick), irregular periods, and infertility.
Since up until recently, we didn't have to worry about infertility since we weren't talking about having kids yet. But now, now that we really are talking about starting a family, this has become an issue.
I also have to say that I haven't been formally diagnosed. That would involve an ultrasound to check for cysts. It's sounds awesome and wonderful, right? Not really. Unfortunately, it's not a condition that has a cure. Thankfully, it's a condition that can be managed and the symptoms lessened, mainly through diet and exercise. Most notably for the diet - reduction in carbs!
It stinks that I love carbs so much.
But if carbs are what are standing in between us having a baby, then I will gladly give up that extra sugar.
Part of my plan, come January is to start up eating Paleo style again, at least at a 80/20 ratio. I know that the hard core Paleo/Primal gurus will say that it is a lifestyle, but if I'm being totally honest with myself, I know that I'll be able to do much better if I give myself the 80/20 ratio.
I'm slowly learning to eat more vegetables (I wish I loved them) and I'm excited about being able to eat plenty of protein (I love meat!) I have to admit that I will miss my carbs, between cakes and candy and bread, the idea of saying goodbye sucks. But it'll be worth it.
I'm going to follow an eating plan that is somewhere between a Paleo and 4 Hour Body diet, giving myself that one day a week to go nuts on the all the bad stuff. I hear from friends who have done it say that after a few weeks, you don't even miss or crave the bad stuff anymore.
Anybody else out there managing PCOS? I would love to hear your advice!
I went to my new OBGYN back in April for my annual women's exam. You know the one. With paper gowns and stirrups. Fun times. My mom had suggested that I ask the doctor about PCOS - polycystic ovarian syndrome - maybe I had it? I had some of the symptoms - acne (I thought acne went away by the time you're in your late 20's), trouble losing weight (I mean, who doesn't have that problem, right?), excess facial hair (I had to admit to this, but it's downright awful), thinning scalp hair (my hair used to be fairly thick), irregular periods, and infertility.
Since up until recently, we didn't have to worry about infertility since we weren't talking about having kids yet. But now, now that we really are talking about starting a family, this has become an issue.
I also have to say that I haven't been formally diagnosed. That would involve an ultrasound to check for cysts. It's sounds awesome and wonderful, right? Not really. Unfortunately, it's not a condition that has a cure. Thankfully, it's a condition that can be managed and the symptoms lessened, mainly through diet and exercise. Most notably for the diet - reduction in carbs!
It stinks that I love carbs so much.
But if carbs are what are standing in between us having a baby, then I will gladly give up that extra sugar.
Part of my plan, come January is to start up eating Paleo style again, at least at a 80/20 ratio. I know that the hard core Paleo/Primal gurus will say that it is a lifestyle, but if I'm being totally honest with myself, I know that I'll be able to do much better if I give myself the 80/20 ratio.
I'm slowly learning to eat more vegetables (I wish I loved them) and I'm excited about being able to eat plenty of protein (I love meat!) I have to admit that I will miss my carbs, between cakes and candy and bread, the idea of saying goodbye sucks. But it'll be worth it.
I'm going to follow an eating plan that is somewhere between a Paleo and 4 Hour Body diet, giving myself that one day a week to go nuts on the all the bad stuff. I hear from friends who have done it say that after a few weeks, you don't even miss or crave the bad stuff anymore.
Anybody else out there managing PCOS? I would love to hear your advice!
It's starting to get real.
A couple weeks ago, I was talking to my friend about how we're starting to talk about starting a family. She asked me when we were thinking about starting and I said, "About the new year."
Then she asked me if I was taking prenatal vitamins.
Uh. Not yet.
She told me that I should start taking them at least three months before.
"What?! You mean, I'm already behind?!"
When I thought about the fact that we'd stop preventing pregnancy at the new year, which is now in just a few short weeks, it got real. It got real, really fast.
Then I started to Google things and WebMD things, because obviously, I don't know much about this stuff! And my friend was right, I should start taking prenatal vitamins!
So we went to pick up a bottle.
And again, things got real. Whoa. We're really going to do this.
Planner at Heart
While I don't think that I would ever make a good event planner, I'm definitely a planner when it comes to my life. Maybe it's the Type-A tendency that I have. While most of the time I'm pretty Type-B (is it even called that?), there are times when my Type-A-ness surfaces.
Like planning out my life.
Like planning our wedding.
Like planning our budget.
Like planning out my business year.
I do plan for those things.
And now that a baby is potentially on the horizon (at least we hope so! no bun in oven yet), it's yet another thing to plan for. I know that I've been told by countless people who have had kids and whose kids are now in college that if you wait to be "ready" for a kid, you'll never be ready.
I know this rings true when it comes to finances. I know that babies cost money. They need lots of stuff. (Whoa, how intellectual am I?!) But it's true, right? Right now, we're doing well. I wonder what it will be like once we throw a kid into the mix.
I mean, come on, I was hesitant to GET A DOG.
Although, now, I couldn't imagine our lives without him.
But a BABY? Not nearly as self-sufficient as a dog.
Though, I'm guessing I'll be in love the moment we hear that little heartbeat (someday).
I want to plan so badly, be able to estimate when we'll have a kid, and do some financial forecasting. (nerd alert, right?) But I know that I can't. I just have to roll with the punches.
This has probably been why we've been controlling the whole "getting pregnant" thing. But in a few months (oh crap like in 10 weeks or so...that's SO SOON), the control thing will be over.
My Type-A-ness will start to cry.
Well, not really.
But I'm sure that I'll be two parts excited, two parts terrified, and a dash of awe.
I'm excited. And scared. But more excited.
xoxo
Like planning out my life.
Like planning our wedding.
Like planning our budget.
Like planning out my business year.
I do plan for those things.
And now that a baby is potentially on the horizon (at least we hope so! no bun in oven yet), it's yet another thing to plan for. I know that I've been told by countless people who have had kids and whose kids are now in college that if you wait to be "ready" for a kid, you'll never be ready.
I know this rings true when it comes to finances. I know that babies cost money. They need lots of stuff. (Whoa, how intellectual am I?!) But it's true, right? Right now, we're doing well. I wonder what it will be like once we throw a kid into the mix.
I mean, come on, I was hesitant to GET A DOG.
Although, now, I couldn't imagine our lives without him.
But a BABY? Not nearly as self-sufficient as a dog.
Though, I'm guessing I'll be in love the moment we hear that little heartbeat (someday).
I want to plan so badly, be able to estimate when we'll have a kid, and do some financial forecasting. (nerd alert, right?) But I know that I can't. I just have to roll with the punches.
This has probably been why we've been controlling the whole "getting pregnant" thing. But in a few months (oh crap like in 10 weeks or so...that's SO SOON), the control thing will be over.
My Type-A-ness will start to cry.
Well, not really.
But I'm sure that I'll be two parts excited, two parts terrified, and a dash of awe.
I'm excited. And scared. But more excited.
xoxo
Little Wood Project
It was actually my husband's idea.
He was the one who said "LWP" a few months ago. I had looked at him in confusion, wondering what he meant.
We've been talking about starting a family and the time is quickly approaching. And he said something about LWP--Little Wood Project--and it just made me smile. I think on the inside at the time, which, little did he know, gave name to this blog.
We're not pregnant and we're not yet trying, but we will be. Sorry, if that's TMI.
I always think it's funny when couples say that they are "trying" to have a baby. Simply because of what it implies. Maybe it's just my humor of a thirteen year old boy. What can I say, serious life decisions make me a little nervous.
Okay, a lot nervous.
But I'm super excited to document our journey. I have no idea where it will take us or how long it will take us. I'm hoping that we don't have any serious complications and that we can roll with what we are given.
I guess that makes us real adults now. We got married. We bought a house. We adopted a dog. Now just add a kid. Or two.
Here we go!
He was the one who said "LWP" a few months ago. I had looked at him in confusion, wondering what he meant.
We've been talking about starting a family and the time is quickly approaching. And he said something about LWP--Little Wood Project--and it just made me smile. I think on the inside at the time, which, little did he know, gave name to this blog.
We're not pregnant and we're not yet trying, but we will be. Sorry, if that's TMI.
I always think it's funny when couples say that they are "trying" to have a baby. Simply because of what it implies. Maybe it's just my humor of a thirteen year old boy. What can I say, serious life decisions make me a little nervous.
Okay, a lot nervous.
But I'm super excited to document our journey. I have no idea where it will take us or how long it will take us. I'm hoping that we don't have any serious complications and that we can roll with what we are given.
I guess that makes us real adults now. We got married. We bought a house. We adopted a dog. Now just add a kid. Or two.
Here we go!
