Infertility was never a challenge I expected to face.
It's probably the hardest obstacle I've ever come in contact with in my life so far.
I feel like I'm fighting against time and resources.
I feel like I'm on the craziest emotional roller coaster I could ever board, and I hate crazy roller coasters.
It's both physically and emotionally draining.
And, while you're feeling ALL THE FEELS, every other woman around you will be pregnant, just announcing her pregnancy, or have just given birth. IT'S CRAZY.
You will feel like you're the only one.
You will feel like there's something wrong with you because if all these other women can get a bun in their oven, why can't you?
And then there are the couples who made an "oops" baby. "Oops we got pregnant by accident" or "We didn't mean to get pregnant". It can be good or bad, hopefully good for the sake of the child.
My message to those people: There are no "oops" babies. Pregnancy is 100% preventable. Your "oops" is merely your laziness and irresponsibility. But now you have a HUGE responsibility to take care of, and you better do it right...your child deserves that.
You feel like you can't share about your struggles because you don't want to be a Debbie-Downer.
People ask you if you want to have kids.
People ask you when you're going to have kids.
And how do you honestly answer that question?
Usually the "we're trying" answer suffices.
Sometimes, that opens up a whole other can of worms that presents itself with all kinds of unwarranted and quite frankly, unwanted advice.
"Just relax and it will happen"
"You'll get pregnant at the right time"
"Don't think about it so much"
or
"Why don't you just adopt?"
Okay, so for the record, that last statement is not any more comforting that the previous ones. Actually, that's probably a way more insensitive thing to say because first, perhaps the couple has looked into it, second, maybe they have decided it's not for them right now, and third, if you knew what it took to adopt....it's not just a "JUST" adopt sort of situation.
Adopting a human is way more involved and complicated than adopting a pet. I imagine that it involved a whole new emotional roller coaster track from infertility treatments...similar...parallel.
Infertility can be one of the loneliest roads you'll ever walk.
It feels like no one truly understands unless they have been through it too.
But perhaps that's the amazing part.
The more I talk to other women about getting pregnant and what it's like, the more I find others who did have a hard time here and there. While it doesn't make up for my own empty womb, it does help to know that I am not alone in this.
Infertility affects 1 in 8 women. 12.5% of the population!
One of the hardest parts of going through infertility is that there is no magic turnkey solution. It works for some and not for others. And as you go through this grueling physical journey, you're faced with an emotional battle you never saw coming. The decisions. The finances. The risks. The outcomes.
Just know that you're not on this journey alone.
My best advice if you're going through infertility:
Find someone to talk to; whether that's a friend who is also going through infertility, a counselor, or just someone you're close to that you trust.
Talk to your spouse or partner.
Find other things to focus on so that you're not dwelling on how you're not pregnant yet. Whether that's a project or new job or new business, or whatever it is, I think it's super helpful to have something else to devote your attention to.
Pray.
Meditate.
Exercise and eat right. If anything, this is just a good idea for your health and fitness.
No Comments Yet, Leave Yours!