Well, the time has come.
I made an appointment to see a specialist officially.
Our new insurance has settled into place and I opted to go see a different RE's office from last year.
Last June, on recommendation from my OBGYN, I went to see a reproductive endocrinologist for a consultation. Now, I don't know if I was having an off day, or if the doctor was in a rush, but I didn't get a good feeling from the consultation.
I felt like just another number. I also went to the consultation alone, so I felt a little flustered and I totally forgot about questions I had wanted to ask.
Basically, the experience was not high on my list of "best things ever." I just got a weird vibe. Plus, it felt like the doctor didn't care that I had already had some medicated cycles. He wanted to take me through the exact same process and our insurance (at the time) wasn't going to cover any of it. (What every women going through infertility wants to hear, hooray!)
We went back to my OBGYN (because pragmatism usually wins in my brain) and tried a couple more cycles of Clomid. After the cycle from October did not work, we decided to take a break from the drugs. Who knew what all they were doing to my system. My ovaries needed a break.
In May, we decided to revisit the medicated cycles with my OBGYN. We started Clomid at the beginning of June's cycle...and well, here we are.
Due to complications with our new insurance and all the changeover and new rules and such, we were not able to obtain medications to do another medicated cycle in July. It was totally frustrating and insurance companies are SUCH A RACKET...let's just say that the beginning of this month was not a walk in the park.
A couple weeks in, we celebrated our 6th wedding anniversary, and by that time I was strangely at peace. There was nothing that I could do and all we could do was wait.
I finally bit the bullet and did some research within our insurance network as well as the local Facebook group I'm in for recommendations for RE's offices. There were some criteria I was looking for:
1. Female doctor - When it comes to lady parts.... I just don't trust male doctors. In my opinion because they don't have said lady parts, they will never TRULY understand what it's like to be pregnant, have a period, not be able to get pregnant or go through IVF. Sure, they can have the male perspective, but I'm unconvinced that a male doctor really gets it. I know, I know, it's totally a personal problem...but I can't help to think that it would be weird for a man to see a female urologist...she can't know what that's like either.
2. Background and understanding of PCOS - Since I believe our conundrum has to do with anovulation due to PCOS, I want my doctor to have a good understanding of PCOS and everything that comes with it.
Sure, some people look for the doctor's with the best success rates...but how do you really know if those numbers aren't skewed in the positive. How do we know that all the failures are not accounted for.
These two things were really important to me.
I'll be honest, I'm nervous about our appointment tomorrow. I don't know what's in store. I do know that it's simply a consultation and the doctor will probably recommend a basic course of "treatment".
On another note, it's kind of frustrating...this whole healthcare system. It just seems like a different, but similar version of our government. Lots of hoops to jump through. Lots of bureaucracy. Lots of red tape.
Anyway, my OBGYN referred my husband for an SA since we hadn't done one already and our new insurance won't approve fertility treatments without one on file. (SEE THOSE HOOPS...I get it, but still). He went last week when I was out of town and the results have been sent to my OBGYN...but she just got back from vacation and has to review the results before they can tell us the results. And when you're not the most patient person in the world, it's pretty frustrating to have to wait for test results when you know THEY HAVE THE RESULTS.
Plus, since we're going to see the specialist tomorrow...I kind of want to know what the results are so that we can give that information to the doctor which will help with next steps.
But you know what...there's nothing I can do about that. I can pray that we'll have some answers tomorrow before our appointment and if we don't, I'll just have to roll with it.
Here's to a great appointment tomorrow!
I already have a feeling that I will like this office better - female doctor and super friendly staff. The woman who called to confirm my appointment was so nice on the phone...I was very impressed.
False Alarm
I had promised myself that I wouldn't freak out. That I wouldn't throw a fit. That I wouldn't get depressed.
Well, when I started to spot last Thursday, on Day 32, I was so sad and disappointed.
I had told myself that I wasn't going to let it affect me like it had previously, but it did. Bigger than I expected.
Because this was our first medicated cycle after taking a break for six months, I was really hopeful. I thought also because I had lost another 10-15lbs that it would help things along as well.
Everything was going well, or so I thought.
But then, like old reliable, on Day 32 (why are my cycles 32 days?!), I started to spot and the red tide arrived.
Thursday was hard. I was really upset. I was disappointed. I was discouraged.
Why does it all have to be so hard? Why is it so hard for us and so easy for others? I know I'm not supposed to compare lives and I don't know the backstories for other people, but still.
Some people get sneezed on, then boom. Teenagers barely do anything, and boom.
But I'm done being upset. It's not getting me anywhere.
Instead, I binge-watched Finding Carter all weekend long. I became obsessed with the show. Hey, there's nothing a little binge-watching can't fix, right?
Onto the next cycle.
I actually have my annual OBGYN appointment tomorrow, and unfortunately, we've missed the window to try Clomid for this cycle. So I guess we'll just see how things play out naturally and then move on to see a specialist next.
Day 31: Hello July...still waiting
I, for one, cannot believe that it's already July.
This marks the official halfway point of the year. It's an understatement to say this year has flown by for me.
It's been an interesting year, for sure.
At the end of last year I left my terrible full-time job. Honestly, I could have stayed, but it was a toxic environment and I just couldn't take it for my own sanity. My boss was not cut out to ever be a boss, and that's tough when he is the owner of the company too. Our work ethics just did not align. And maybe I just needed to put my head down, focus, and work.
But sometimes, all that stress, aggravation, discontent is just not worth the paycheck.
I thought I had a miserable job before, but this one definitely takes the crown and glory for worst job ever. It probably would have been better for me if I could relate on a cultural level. But I'm not making excuses for that place anymore.
I'm convinced that we were not able to get pregnant while I was working there because of the stress. Hormonal issues too, but I think the stress played a huge part of it. I almost tried to go on stress leave. Get a note from a doctor to take a couple weeks off. Seriously. Makes me crazy thinking about it.
After leaving that job, I decided to focus 100% of my time on my portrait photography business. I'm a high school senior photographer, specializing in portraits for smart, shy girls. And you know what? I'm haven't replaced my previous income with it yet, although I'm getting closer, but I'm 100% happier than when I was working at what I lovingly refer to as "The Sweat Shop" (not too far from the truth, haha).
So here we are. 6 months into 2015. Starting the 7th month.
Still nothing yet as far as knowing if we put a bun in the over or not. Which is good so far. I'm counting my blessings instead of stressing out over it.
Although, yeah, I'm a little stressed. But I know that's bad, so I'm going to go do some deep breathing.
I'm planning to take a test this weekend. I go to my OBGYN on Tuesday for my annual well woman exam, so hopefully my doc will be able to tell me what to expect....either way.
This marks the official halfway point of the year. It's an understatement to say this year has flown by for me.
It's been an interesting year, for sure.
At the end of last year I left my terrible full-time job. Honestly, I could have stayed, but it was a toxic environment and I just couldn't take it for my own sanity. My boss was not cut out to ever be a boss, and that's tough when he is the owner of the company too. Our work ethics just did not align. And maybe I just needed to put my head down, focus, and work.
But sometimes, all that stress, aggravation, discontent is just not worth the paycheck.
I thought I had a miserable job before, but this one definitely takes the crown and glory for worst job ever. It probably would have been better for me if I could relate on a cultural level. But I'm not making excuses for that place anymore.
I'm convinced that we were not able to get pregnant while I was working there because of the stress. Hormonal issues too, but I think the stress played a huge part of it. I almost tried to go on stress leave. Get a note from a doctor to take a couple weeks off. Seriously. Makes me crazy thinking about it.
After leaving that job, I decided to focus 100% of my time on my portrait photography business. I'm a high school senior photographer, specializing in portraits for smart, shy girls. And you know what? I'm haven't replaced my previous income with it yet, although I'm getting closer, but I'm 100% happier than when I was working at what I lovingly refer to as "The Sweat Shop" (not too far from the truth, haha).
So here we are. 6 months into 2015. Starting the 7th month.
Still nothing yet as far as knowing if we put a bun in the over or not. Which is good so far. I'm counting my blessings instead of stressing out over it.
Although, yeah, I'm a little stressed. But I know that's bad, so I'm going to go do some deep breathing.
I'm planning to take a test this weekend. I go to my OBGYN on Tuesday for my annual well woman exam, so hopefully my doc will be able to tell me what to expect....either way.
