Week 7 Wrap-Up: Jamie Eason Live Fit Program

My, my, my where has the time gone. You know, when I first embarked on this 12-week adventure, I never imagined that it was going to go by quickly. I figured more that it would be slow, possibly tedious, and easy to quit.

The funny thing is, I haven't quit! There have been some bumps in the road. Some stumbling blocks. Some cheating. But overall, I have been getting myself to the gym. And it's been awesome.

I wish I could say that I've been 100% faithful to the nutrition plan, but this is real life people.

However, the thing that I have learned in the process of this program is that when you want something enough, you're willing to put the work in like never before.

I have this goal, this desire, this yearning to start our family. And I know that a lot of it is on me. I know, I know, it's a 50/50 partnership with your spouse, but let's be real....I will be the one with the bun in the oven. And in a true, valiant effort to make things happen, I know that I need to get in shape.

If anything, exercising is just a good idea. Period. If there are added benefits such as lowered insulin resistance, less PCOS symptoms, and regulated hormones, then that's just a bonus.

Week 7 of the Jamie Eason Live Fit Program was more of the same from weeks 5 and 6, a little different, but cardio on non-leg days and dedicated leg days.

You know, I see the same people at the gym nearly every day. And even when I go at different times. Which makes me wonder, DO THESE PEOPLE WORK? How can they spend 3 hours at the gym everyday? Who knows. I don't. Maybe they do. Maybe they don't, it's none of my business.

But I can see that it's that laser type focus that helps you get things done. Build those muscles. Cut that physique.

Here's to Week 8.

Dear Aunt Flo...

Why must you show up at the most inopportune moments? Seriously.

My period tracker app, Glow, estimated that my period should start on October 2. Then, unbeknownst to me, on September 30th there seems to be some spotting (sorry if it's TMI). When I noticed, I start Googling, and I try to convince myself that maybe it's implantation bleeding. The only thing is that the dates don't line up for it to be that.

I try to talk myself out of the idea that it's my period coming. Because that means the Ovidrel didn't work. Because it means that I stabbed myself in the stomach for seemingly nothing. Because it means that I wasted precious dollars on a dream deferred.

Alas, we are not pregnant. And AF came early. So instead of 28 days, it was 27. How rude is that? Especially when last month it was 31 days. Hey, body, get it together.

Seeing as how we're not pregnant, I'm giving the chemicals and drugs a rest. It was actually kind of weird to not start taking something on Day 3. It was a good feeling, strangely enough. I'm okay with it. I trust God and what he has planned for us, and it's this whole trying to get pregnant thing has me clinging to him. Trusting him. No matter what.

So what's next?

Well, in my never-ending research for resolving my PCOS and infertility, from supplements and superfoods, and vitamins and green smoothies, I started to look into Essential Oils. I have a handful of friends who swear by their oils for various uses, mostly for allergies, immunity, germs, and stress. Stuff started popping up in my Facebook feed more and more that I just had to check it out.

I'm a fairly skeptical person, and while I don't have any idea if Essential Oils will work for me or not, I'm thinking that at least it's all natural. It's not more chemicals and these oils have been shown to balance hormones (which is my main problem!) and help manage a whole bunch (too numerous to list) of ailments and issues.

After a lot of Googling and searching through blogs on Essential Oils, I found a few articles that specifically talked about PCOS and infertility. If figure that I can give it a whirl. Why not? It seems like a better choice than more Clomid and freaking my ovaries out and messing with natural hormones like estrogen and progesterone. I believe that I have estrogen-dominance and progesterone deficiency.

Fertility & PCOS:
Balanced Essentials
Essential Oils & Supplements for Male and Female Fertility
3 Essential Oils that Enhance Fertility
Essential Oils and Fertility
Female Infertility & Essential Oils
Increase Fertility with Essential Oils
Aromatherapy for Fertility
Ocotea Essential Oil
Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome

So I think that I'm going to take the plunge. Take the plunge into Essential Oils. Since I have a bunch of friends using Young Living, that's the route I've decided to go.

I'm looking forward to trying something new and healing myself naturally!

Is it time for a Specialist?

Back in June, I went to see my doctor for a follow up after taking Femara to stimulate my ovaries and hopefully ovulate. I went in for a sonogram, and while some follicles had matured, the lining of the uterus was not thick enough to support implantation.

Or as I understood it, even if there was a fertilized egg, it wouldn't stick, and the pregnancy wouldn't stick. Great.

But, my OBGYN wasn't discouraged, and referred me to an RE - Reproductive Endocrinologist for those who can't read pregnancy/infertility code (I always have to google it). I thought it might be a little premature to see a specialist, but she was confident that they could give me better guidance than she could. She just felt it was slightly out of her scope of knowledge when it comes to OBGYN stuff. And since I'm just a tad over 30, she said she didn't need to be wasting my time if it wasn't going to work.

Now here's the thing with going to see a fertility specialist. I feel like "fertility" is sort of like the word "wedding". You add it in front of anything and instantly things get expensive. Oh and unless you have crazy awesome insurance, insurance typically doesn't cover fertility specialists.

Or as the insurance customer service rep said, "You plan covers diagnostics, but if you are diagnosed with anything, there is no coverage." Yay. Awesome. Sweet. I get to pay everything!

But when you want a baby, and you know that there's still hope that you can have one yourself, you'll do what you need to do. So I made an appointment, wrote down all the notes that my OBGYN had told me so I could prep for the consultation, and got ready.

The RE's office warned me that I would have to pay the consultation fee up front just in case my insurance didn't cover it. (Annoying point #1).

I got to the office for my appointment and signed in. I sat down in the waiting room and spotted a man with a little white paper bag. Yeah, I knew what that was for. When our glances crossed paths, we both looked away quickly. Awkward.

The nurse called my name and we did the basics: vital signs, weight, height, basic history. Yada yada. She led me into an exam room to wait for the doctor. I thought it was kind of weird because the room was basically dark save for a lamp. I sat on the rolling stool to the side of the exam table, typically used for sonograms based on the equipment in the room.

After what felt like twenty minutes (probably less), but I did play a couple rounds of 2048 and checked Instagram several times, the doctor came to get me and walked me down to his office.

So here's the thing, I generally try to avoid male doctors when it comes to lady part type issues. However, there seems to be a HUGE gap in the reproductive endocrinology field between men and women. After some Googling, most practices are run by men. Fine, that's cool. I still think it's weird that men are interested in parts they'll never have or truly understand, but whatever, such is life.

Anyway, the RE starts asking me questions and going over history and basic stuff. Then he tells me about the general course of treatment. Sonogram, clomid, sonogram, HCG shots, another sonogram (I'm probably missing something since I'm recalling this from memory), then pray you get pregnant. (That's my dumbed down version).

I told him about what my doctor said about thin uterine lining and asked about that because based on what my OBGYN said, it sounded like they would just have to give me some pills or shots or something to build up the lining for the next round. But he said that we'd have to go through the basics of sonograms and Clomid to get the base line of where I was at. (Annoying point #2)

I like to think of myself as a pragmatist. I try to do things that make the most sense financially and healthwise, generally speaking. And basically, the course of treatment he was describing sounded EXACTLY like what my OBGYN could do. In my mind, if my OB could do it in her office, WHY would I pay everything out of pocket to see the RE, if the treatment was THE SAME?

With the RE, the same course of treatment would cost $450 + the cost of prescriptions, while with my OB it would be $20 copays + the cost of prescriptions. Or, a fraction of the cost.

It just wasn't adding up for me. Why would I choose the more expensive route if the treatment was EXACTLY THE SAME? I was telling my mom about this, and I told her that if the RE had suggested something outside of what my OBGYN and I had discussed or a totally different course, then I would have considered moving forward with the RE.

But if it's the same....then WHY pay more?

Please know that these are simply my own opinions and anyone else who is wading the seas of infertility, you can make whatever choices you want and I have no judgment about them. But for me, it just didn't make sense.

Luckily, I was going to see my OBGYN later that week for my annual well woman exam and she asked me if I had made an appointment to see the RE. I told her I had already met him and his plan of action. Probably the best thing that happened and why I love my OBGYN was that she gave me this look that said, "ARE YOU SERIOUS? THAT'S WHAT HE SAID?"

She asked if I had told him about the thin uterine lining and estrogen stuff and I had. So I asked her if we could just proceed with her office, and instead of Femara, try Clomid, and see how that goes. I told her the same thing I told my mom, and practical standpoint of it just being less expensive to work with her office for now.

So that's where we're at. Next cycle I'll start with Clomid on Day 3. We'll see what that does.

Goal Setting + Making Things Happen in 2013: Part 2

The end of the year and beginning of a new year always makes me very reflective. I like to think about what happened, what worked, what didn't work, and what's next. Thanks to Lara Casey for these prompts to get the ball rolling. 

STEP FOUR: What are the three biggest lessons you learned from what DID work?

1. Trust God. Always. This has got to be the biggest lesson I've learned this year. It took a long time to get me to this place; this place of turning to God first in all situations good and bad and talking to Him to get me through it. And in trusting Him, I surrender my control. For a control freak, that's saying a lot. But every time that I turned to Him first, I got an answer. That doesn't mean that it was my answer, but it was what was in his plan for me. 
2. Do what you love. I found that I did my best work when I was excited and passionate about it. It's tough to get through a project that you don't care about or have any motivation for. A couple of the styled photo shoots I worked on this year really fired me up and made me see that doing what I love creates the best work. In addition, listening to my heart. For the last several months, even through the rebranding process, I've questioned whether or not to continue with weddings as a core part of my business. I've prayed on it and asked God to remove the desire from my heart if it is not something I should continue to pursue. I believe that in listening to my heart, I'm listening to God and his plan for my life. There's just a little part of me that wants to hold on to that idea that the whole reason I started was to shoot weddings, and that by giving it up, I'll be giving up my dream. But there's some quote that says you have to say "no" to good things to say "yes" to great things....I'm still reflecting and praying on this!
3. Focus on what matters most. This has been a huge lesson to me this year. While it was highlighted during the course of Making Things Happen Intensive in Austin, I believe that it's been something tugging at my heart strings this year. What matters most in my life? To me it's my husband, my family, my dog, my inner circle of friends. People. Connections. Feeding that connectedness makes me come alive. Everything else, just secondary. I know that if I focus on what matters most, I'll have everything that I need. I won't get caught up in frivolous things..like social media banter and useless gossip. I want to spend more time with family (though we have no family that is local), more time with friends (we really want to host more), and start a family of our own. 

STEP FIVE: What are the three biggest things you learned from what DIDN’T work?

1. Don't worry. Pray. Worrying. It's pointless. And as a recovering worrier...I've learned to pray instead. One of the greatest things that I've done in just the last quarter of 2012 was to write down my prayers. It's been really cool to go back and see how God has moved in my life and in the life of others. There were nights this year where I wouldn't be able to sleep because I was worried about something and my mind would just run around like a hamster in a wheel. On and on. It's been a process, but now whenever I start to feel some worries come on, I turn to prayer, whether it's on paper or just talking to God. A few months ago, after reading a devotional from our church, part of the task was to sit down and just talk to God as if He was sitting across the table from me. It was awkward at first, but at the same time, it was freeing and liberating just giving it all to Him. I even got emotional in some of my prayers...probably because they meant so much. So prayer has been HUGE for me this year, especially in the face of worry.
2. Comparison is the thief of joy. I know that I cannot compare my successes/failures to someone else's successes/failures. But it's so easy! And the fastest way to launching myself into discouragement is comparing myself with others. Thanks to good ol' social media, it's even easier to sit behind my computer screen and see what everyone else is doing/sharing/making happen. And it's really easy to make it look like I'm doing big things thanks to social media...It's really interesting whenever I talk to someone and they ask me about my business. "Oh looks like you've been busy" "Looks like you're doing really well" "Seems like you're always doing something." Looks can be deceiving, my friends. And this is where I struggle in the digital world. It's easy to look busy. But busy doesn't mean successful, necessarily. When other people comment that it looks like I've been busy, it's hard to just admit that, "no, not really," or "actually my business needs more clients" or anything of the sort. I feel like admitting that my business is not where I want it to be shows weakness. Part of me strives to be authentic at all times, but the other part of me is terrified of looking vulnerable because in my mind that's a sign of weakness and failure. I know that's not the case. I think it might be different if those reading my blog were purely other photographers and creatives...but since there may also be potential clients, I feel like looking like a hot mess, like I don't know what I'm doing could be detrimental....is this the case?! My fear is that I don't want to appear like a failure to others. I know that one of the biggest things I struggle with on a constant basis is knowing that I am enough and that the opinions and thoughts of "others" don't matter. You know, I thought that those insecurities would be gone when high school is over, but that's definitely not the case. 
3. Push through the difficult things to get to the good things. I have a fear of money. Not having enough of it. Running out of it. This whole scarcity mentality going on. Because of that, I don't like to look at my finances (until absolutely necessary) which I know is not healthy in either my personal life or my business. So instead of cringing to look at my bank account, I set up a date with myself once a month to check everything out and make sure that it's on track. I've actually found joy using Excel spreadsheets to keep things in check and I use Outright.com for my business. Outright makes it super easy to keep track of business income and expenses without making it complicated. I've found that whenever I do get into my finances, business or personal, and push through it, I'm always relieved and glad that I did, in fact do it. There's something to be said for "ignorance is bliss"...until you've ignored it so long that it's out of control. Something that we're working on in 2013 is to get out of debt (minus the house) and I've read Dave Ramsey's book Total Money Makeover and after working some numbers, we can do it! These things aren't fun, but once you do them, it makes life so much easier.

STEP SIX: What is your 2013 VISION? What kind of life do you want to live this year? Where do you want to be when you’re 80? WHY do you do what you do? What is your mission? What is your CORE?

I want to live my life with an abundance mentality. Of giving, of sharing, of growing. Of helping others. I want to live a life where I'm not worried about money or not having enough. I want to live a life where there's always enough and more and enough to share, whether it's money, time, resources, or knowledge. I want to be surrounded by those that matter most to me, building a life with my husband that is full of joy and centered on the Lord. I want to live an authentic life, where I can share my heart and not worry about what other people may think of me. I want to live with confidence in who I am, in who I am in my marriage, and who I will become as we start a family. I want to spend my days filling my life with inspiring things, not getting caught up in what other people are doing. Happily celebrating other people's successes. I want to live a bright, inspired, authentic life. (I'm still figuring out how to do that). When I'm 80, I want to have an arsenal of life stories to share with my grandchildren. I want to go on adventures. I want to travel. I want to see the world beyond the social media walls. I want to change the lives of others, even if in just a small way. I want to help women feel important and beautiful when they don't see it themselves. I want to have a successful business - one that is both fulfilling and takes care of the needs of my family. I want to create art, but I also want to run a profitable business. I want to meet people and build meaningful connections, knowing that it means that not everyone will be my friend. I want to live a life freed from the chains of comparison. I want to live a life that is open to trying new things. I want to have a life that gives more than it receives. I want to live a passionate life, passionate about my work. I want to write my own definition of success. I want to have a life that is simple. I want simplify what is complicated and life my best life yet. I want to help people. I want to inspire people. I want to add value to the lives of others. I want to put myself out there more. Create more. Listen to my heart. Listen to advice from people who have my back. Eat less, move more. Buy Less, make more. Stress less, laugh more. Feel blessed, love more. Worry less, live more. Breathe. 

Goals for 2013

It's almost the end of the year. If you're one of those people who sitting on pins and needles for the end of days tomorrow, good luck. I'm not holding my breath.

Just 5 days until Christmas.

This time of the year, I always find myself thinking about next year. And EVERY. SINGLE. YEAR. I always say that "this year is going to be different".

• I'm going to lose weight
• I'm going to get organized
• I'm going to eat more vegetables
• I'm going to be successful

And then, by the middle of the year, I've lost steam in my goals that I set in January and find myself slowly slipping back into bad habits and giving up on those goals. It's awful

This year I did lose 20lbs! But then, by September, I lost steam and have gained a little bit of the weight back. And now that we're in holiday mode, I've put off all exercise and healthy eating until the new year. 

With planning to have a baby in 2013/2014, I need to get really serious about my health. My OBGYN said that if I lost about 20lbs, it would help with what she suspects could be PCOS - polycystic ovarian syndrome. While I haven't been formally diagnosed yet (we'll test at my next annual exam), I've read all the symptoms and my OB says I fit the description.

PCOS totally stinks too because it isn't curable, it's merely manageable. It includes symptoms such as trouble losing weight, excess hair, acne, irregular periods, and fertility problems - awesome, right?!

Thankfully, some of the symptoms can be reversed/reduced through diet and exercise, and sadly, by limiting carbs. Sugar is evil and yet so delicious!

Anyway, all that to say that I've been seriously thinking about my goals for 2013. And I think that what happens to me is that I get all excited about setting goals, but I don't really make them that specific or measurable. Instead, they are big, vague, and overwhelming. So this year, I'm laying them out here. Sharing them on this little blog, and hopefully giving me some accountability for making things happen personally.

My 2013 Goals

I'm sure that I will continue to add things to this list for 2013, but I just wanted to get things started before 2013 is actually here! I'm also thinking about starting a a 101 in 1001 list - starting January 1, 2013 and ending September 28, 2015. We'll see.

Health

1. I want to lose 20lbs in 2013 and keep it off. 
2. I want to track progress - eating and working out.
3. I want to get pregnant in 2013.

Life

1. I want to celebrate our 30th birthdays with my husband with a party surrounded by good friends.
2. We want to host at least 3 parties at our home.
3. I want to go out to dinner with friends at least once every other month.

Travel

1. I want to go to France with my husband. (Possible baby-moon.)
2. We want to go on at least 2 vacations.
3. We want to not travel during the holidays in 2013.

Organization

1. I want to start meal planning on a weekly basis so that I cook at least 3 days a week.
2. I want to get organized - better filing, less clutter with paperwork.
3. I want to finish painting my office and make it a truly functional space.
4. I want to create a "chores" list of sorts so that regular cleaning occurs each week.

What are some of your goals for next year?

PCOS - Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome

I was trying to figure out if I want to even talk about this on the blog, but I figure that it's part of my journey and if it helps just one person with their journey, then that'll be a great thing.

I went to my new OBGYN back in April for my annual women's exam. You know the one. With paper gowns and stirrups. Fun times. My mom had suggested that I ask the doctor about PCOS - polycystic ovarian syndrome - maybe I had it? I had some of the symptoms - acne (I thought acne went away by the time you're in your late 20's), trouble losing weight (I mean, who doesn't have that problem, right?), excess facial hair (I had to admit to this, but it's downright awful), thinning scalp hair (my hair used to be fairly thick), irregular periods, and infertility.

Since up until recently, we didn't have to worry about infertility since we weren't talking about having kids yet. But now, now that we really are talking about starting a family, this has become an issue.

I also have to say that I haven't been formally diagnosed. That would involve an ultrasound to check for cysts. It's sounds awesome and wonderful, right? Not really. Unfortunately, it's not a condition that has a cure. Thankfully, it's a condition that can be managed and the symptoms lessened, mainly through diet and exercise. Most notably for the diet - reduction in carbs!

It stinks that I love carbs so much.

But if carbs are what are standing in between us having a baby, then I will gladly give up that extra sugar.

Part of my plan, come January is to start up eating Paleo style again, at least at a 80/20 ratio. I know that the hard core Paleo/Primal gurus will say that it is a lifestyle, but if I'm being totally honest with myself, I know that I'll be able to do much better if I give myself the 80/20 ratio.

I'm slowly learning to eat more vegetables (I wish I loved them) and I'm excited about being able to eat plenty of protein (I love meat!) I have to admit that I will miss my carbs, between cakes and candy and bread, the idea of saying goodbye sucks. But it'll be worth it.

I'm going to follow an eating plan that is somewhere between a Paleo and 4 Hour Body diet, giving myself that one day a week to go nuts on the all the bad stuff. I hear from friends who have done it say that after a few weeks, you don't even miss or crave the bad stuff anymore.

Anybody else out there managing PCOS? I would love to hear your advice!

It's starting to get real.

A couple weeks ago, I was talking to my friend about how we're starting to talk about starting a family. She asked me when we were thinking about starting and I said, "About the new year."

Then she asked me if I was taking prenatal vitamins.

Uh. Not yet.

She told me that I should start taking them at least three months before.

"What?! You mean, I'm already behind?!"

When I thought about the fact that we'd stop preventing pregnancy at the new year, which is now in just a few short weeks, it got real. It got real, really fast.

Then I started to Google things and WebMD things, because obviously, I don't know much about this stuff! And my friend was right, I should start taking prenatal vitamins!

So we went to pick up a bottle.

And again, things got real. Whoa. We're really going to do this.

Little Wood Project

It was actually my husband's idea.

He was the one who said "LWP" a few months ago. I had looked at him in confusion, wondering what he meant.

We've been talking about starting a family and the time is quickly approaching. And he said something about LWP--Little Wood Project--and it just made me smile. I think on the inside at the time, which, little did he know, gave name to this blog.

We're not pregnant and we're not yet trying, but we will be. Sorry, if that's TMI.

I always think it's funny when couples say that they are "trying" to have a baby. Simply because of what it implies. Maybe it's just my humor of a thirteen year old boy. What can I say, serious life decisions make me a little nervous.

Okay, a lot nervous.

But I'm super excited to document our journey. I have no idea where it will take us or how long it will take us. I'm hoping that we don't have any serious complications and that we can roll with what we are given.

I guess that makes us real adults now. We got married. We bought a house. We adopted a dog. Now just add a kid. Or two.

Here we go!