Our Infertility Journey

Going through infertility is probably one of the hardest things I've had to deal with in my adult life. It's kind of weird because it's not a life-threatening condition, per se, but it is a disease. One that people often suffer in silence with. 

However, infertility has also proved to be a great blessing. How? If it wasn't for being on this journey through the waters of infertility, I would have never met the amazing community of ladies who are going through the same thing. We all belong to a club that we wish we weren't a part of, and each wait for the day when our membership is revoked. We can't wait to be kicked out of the club.

I don't think I've shared our own infertility journey, and if anything, it needs a little updating. 

We got married in July 2009 and because we dated long distance for three years, we wanted to spend the first couple of years of marriage as a couple. We knew we wanted children, but we wanted to savor the time just the two of us. 

In 2012, during my annual well woman exam at my OBGYN's office, I was officially diagnosed with PCOS - polycystic ovarian syndrome. I had the symptoms: trouble losing weight, craving carbs, unwanted facial hair, thinning hair, irregular periods... All "manageable" symptoms through nutrition and exercise, but annoying nonetheless. Since we were not yet trying to start a family, I continued on the pill to regulate my cycles.

In 2013, we were ready to start trying for a family. I came off the pill and knew that it could take a couple of months for my hormones to regulate. We made it to the end of 2013 with no success.

In 2014, after about a year of trying, we saw my OBGYN to try some medicated, timed intercourse cycles. We did Femara/Letrozole and also tried Clomid. I seemed to respond decently to the medication, but no pregnancies. 

In June 2014, my OBGYN referred me to a reproductive endocrinologist - the office whose Letrozole and Clomid protocols she was following. I made the appointment and went to my first RE consultation.

I went to the consultation by myself and walked away overwhelmed and unimpressed. The doctor I met with didn't take any time to get any of my history (which I thought was important) and quickly launched into a standard protocol of Clomid and trigger shot.

At the time I wasn't as familiar with medicated cycle protocols as I am now, and I felt like the doctor was not listening to me. My OBGYN had suggested that I had a uterine lining issue (it was thinner than ideal), and told me to tell the RE. Well, he didn't even listen to that. I felt like I was wasting my time if he was just suggesting the same thing I had already done at my OBGYN's office.

I was annoyed. I didn't like that he didn't get to know me at all. I felt like a number and he was just giving me the standard plan of care. I felt like if I was going to have to pay out of pocket for this anyway, I needed to like my healthcare provider.

Needless to say, I did not return to his office ever again. 

At the end of 2014, I did return to my OBGYN's office for two more medicated cycle attempts. When our final attempt had no progress, we decided to take a break from medicated cycles. Around the same time, I also started seeing the nutrition testing specialist through my chiropractor. We started supplementing what I was deficient in to help rebalance my hormones.

I continued to see the nutrition testing specialist through the beginning of 2015. I was a lot of vitamins and supplements, and I felt like if I could help my issues in a natural way, that would be great. 

After about a six month break, I started to look into a new reproductive endocrinologist. There were a few top offices in our area that I found.

I had a couple important criteria I wanted in a doctor:

• female doctor
• experience with PCOS
• compassionate, empathetic, kind

While I know that male doctors are probably just as qualified as female doctors, I believe that female doctors understand these issues on a level that a man cannot. I feel way more comfortable with a female doctor and it helps when she can empathize (NOT sympathize) with me.

In July 2015, I made an appointment with an RE at a new practice. Based on her online profile, she seemed to fit most of my criteria. The personality component would be determined at our consultation.

Well, long story short, I LOVE our RE! She fits all the criteria and really appreciated that she spent about an hour with us going over our family histories, our personal medical histories, and personally did my first baseline ultrasound. I was impressed. She was kind and carefully reviewed our case to give us her honest suggested plan of care.

In August 2015, while waiting for my cycle to start before we could move forward with the plan of care with our RE, I was on cycle day 40...and I took a pregnancy test. It was positive! I had never seen a positive test before! Coincidentally, the RE's office called that same day to have me come in for routine bloodwork. I told them that I had a positive home pregnancy test and they said they'd do a beta Hcg test as well.

Later that day, it was confirmed that I was indeed pregnant, with an hCG level of over 9,000! (If you're new to beta numbers, that's super high! I didn't really know at the time how high that was). The following week, we went in for our first ultrasound and we got to see the gestational sacs...there were two! But only one looked to be growing. However...based on the date of my last period, it looked like the size was a little bit behind, so they had me come in the following week to check again.

The following week, there was no progress in growth. The doctor seemed to be cautiously optimistic about it, and had me come in the following week. She said that if there were no changes or heartbeat the next week, then we'd have to discuss options.

Well, in September 2015, I miscarried. Our baby stopped growing at about 5 weeks. We never got an accurate reading/measurement and never saw a heartbeat. I opted to take the medication to help move the miscarriage along after waiting two weeks to miscarry naturally. You can read about that here.

After the miscarriage, I had to wait for my cycle to return. My first period post-miscarriage was insanely heavy. Like...crazy heavy. The second cycle was a little bit more normal.

In November 2015 after my cycle started, I had my original testing done (that didn't happen because we took a detour with a positive pregnancy test), and that included an HSG and hysteroscopy. My doctor found a polyp during the hysteroscopy and my tubes were clear following the HSG. I experienced minimal pain with both, but I have a higher tolerance for pain.

In December 2015, I had a hysteroscopic polypectomy to remove the polyp. It was pretty easy. I was nervous about the anesthesia, but it turned out to be an amazing nap. I went home that morning and had another great nap. I felt pretty good the next day.

At the end of December, we tried a Letrozole cycle with trigger, except during my Day 12 soon, I had already ovulated.

We did a Letrozole + Ovidrel trigger at the end of January 2016.

In February 2016, we did Letrozole + Follistim + Ovidrel trigger + IUI.

In March 2016, when I went in for my baseline, they found a cyst lingering on my ovary, after having a super light period.

About two and a half weeks later when I thought my cycle started again, they saw the same cyst, but it was smaller. So I had to wait until it cleared.

My normal cycle started at the end of April 2016, however, because I was going to be out of town and unable to come in for monitoring, we have to wait until the next cycle.

I feel like waiting is the story of my life lately!

So here we are...waiting....waiting...waiting.

I'm a professional at waiting!

False Alarm

I had promised myself that I wouldn't freak out. That I wouldn't throw a fit. That I wouldn't get depressed.

Well, when I started to spot last Thursday, on Day 32, I was so sad and disappointed.

I had told myself that I wasn't going to let it affect me like it had previously, but it did. Bigger than I expected.

Because this was our first medicated cycle after taking a break for six months, I was really hopeful. I thought also because I had lost another 10-15lbs that it would help things along as well.

Everything was going well, or so I thought.

But then, like old reliable, on Day 32 (why are my cycles 32 days?!), I started to spot and the red tide arrived.

Thursday was hard. I was really upset. I was disappointed. I was discouraged.

Why does it all have to be so hard? Why is it so hard for us and so easy for others? I know I'm not supposed to compare lives and I don't know the backstories for other people, but still.

Some people get sneezed on, then boom. Teenagers barely do anything, and boom.

But I'm done being upset. It's not getting me anywhere.

Instead, I binge-watched Finding Carter all weekend long. I became obsessed with the show. Hey, there's nothing a little binge-watching can't fix, right?

Onto the next cycle.

I actually have my annual OBGYN appointment tomorrow, and unfortunately, we've missed the window to try Clomid for this cycle. So I guess we'll just see how things play out naturally and then move on to see a specialist next.

Day 31: Hello July...still waiting

I, for one, cannot believe that it's already July.

This marks the official halfway point of the year. It's an understatement to say this year has flown by for me.

It's been an interesting year, for sure.

At the end of last year I left my terrible full-time job. Honestly, I could have stayed, but it was a toxic environment and I just couldn't take it for my own sanity. My boss was not cut out to ever be a boss, and that's tough when he is the owner of the company too. Our work ethics just did not align. And maybe I just needed to put my head down, focus, and work.

But sometimes, all that stress, aggravation, discontent is just not worth the paycheck.

I thought I had a miserable job before, but this one definitely takes the crown and glory for worst job ever. It probably would have been better for me if I could relate on a cultural level. But I'm not making excuses for that place anymore.

I'm convinced that we were not able to get pregnant while I was working there because of the stress. Hormonal issues too, but I think the stress played a huge part of it. I almost tried to go on stress leave. Get a note from a doctor to take a couple weeks off. Seriously. Makes me crazy thinking about it.

After leaving that job, I decided to focus 100% of my time on my portrait photography business. I'm a high school senior photographer, specializing in portraits for smart, shy girls. And you know what? I'm haven't replaced my previous income with it yet, although I'm getting closer, but I'm 100% happier than when I was working at what I lovingly refer to as "The Sweat Shop" (not too far from the truth, haha).

So here we are. 6 months into 2015. Starting the 7th month.

Still nothing yet as far as knowing if we put a bun in the over or not. Which is good so far. I'm counting my blessings instead of stressing out over it.

Although, yeah, I'm a little stressed. But I know that's bad, so I'm going to go do some deep breathing.

I'm planning to take a test this weekend. I go to my OBGYN on Tuesday for my annual well woman exam, so hopefully my doc will be able to tell me what to expect....either way.

Day 14: Ovidrel Injection

I went to my Ultrasound appointment and my doctor decided to proceed with the Ovidrel injection to be administered on Day 14, which was yesterday. 

Sometimes, this journey just drives me crazy due to the lack of empathy of some people. 

So what had happened was...

My doctor prescribed the Ovidrel to induce ovulation.

I visit my local pharmacy, Walgreens, to see if they can fulfill the prescription.

They tell me that they don't keep it in stock, but if I can find a Walgreens that has it in stock, then they can access my prescription through their system.

I call a couple of different Walgreens and they don't have it in stock. They would have to special order it and it would not be available until at least Monday because it usually takes a business day for it to come in. And it was Friday.

So I called my Doctor's office to tell them of my situation. And man, I'm not sure if I spoke to a nurse or a medical assistant (but I'm leaning towards medical assistant) and wow, she did not listen very well.

To make a long story short, about four phone calls later, they finally got their butts in gear and found somewhere I could pick up the Ovidrel. While I was super annoyed at first, I was thankful that they were able to help me eventually. 

While stabbing yourself in the stomach isn't the most fun activity, it actually wasn't too bad. I had my husband pinch my skin and I injected the syringe. It didn't even hurt. Just a little prick. 

So now we wait. Well, you know, get busy and wait. The injection point doesn't hurt at all, which I'm thankful for. I do also have to use Estradiol suppositories, joy. 

I've decided that instead of lamenting over the infertility we've been going through, I'm going to focus on the possibility. I am able to get pregnant. I release the need to control when I get pregnant and I know that I will be pregnant when the time is right.

Yes, those are positive affirmations. And even if I sound silly, I want to focus on what I want instead of what I don't have. I want to spread gratitude. I want to spread abundance. 

We'll see!

Day 12: Ultrasound Day

After finally going back to my OBGYN after about a 6 month break from fertility medications, taking a course of Clomid and estrogen supplements, today is the day. Today I will have an ultrasound to see if Clomid worked and if it's viable to trigger ovulation.

The biggest things I struggle with is the probability. Even if the Clomid stimulated follicles to mature and the estrogen supplements helped to thicken the uterine lining, that doesn't guarantee anything.

It's definitely a journey of both science and faith.

Which makes it really difficult to see all the people who it "just happens" for. Because really, there are a whole lot of people out there who it doesn't just "happen" for. 

And I know that by comparing myself to other women, I'm only going to drive myself bananas. It's something that I struggle with on the daily and every time I see an announcement, I feel like it's another dig of what I haven't been able to do yet.

I also know that I need to stay faithful. To believe that it is possible. To know that we can become parents someday.

It's truly like fighting an enemy daily to tell him to shut up and go away. 

The doubt. 

The fear.

The negative, fatalistic thinking.

I have to be positive and go in with the best attitude.

In the last six months, I have lost 15lbs (which I'm hoping helps with the PCOS symptoms) and I'm exercising 5 days a week and eating a generally clean diet. It's hard to know what else I could be doing more of or better at, without making crazy drastic changes (what else is there left to do?)

All in all, I'm excited to go back to the doctor's office today to at least see what's next and what lies ahead. I want to be positive even if the outcome isn't what I'm hoping for. That's the hardest part, and yet the key....

Day 5: Clomid

I just finished a course of Clomid for 5 days at 150mg per day. I was slightly worried that I was going to be crazy on that dose, but luckily, I felt totally normal. I know there are other ladies who take Clomid and have crazy side effects. I'm thankful that was not the case.

In addition to the Clomid, I also did Estradiol suppositories for five days. How fun right? (Said no one ever.) I'm thinking the last time I had to do the suppositories, I must have not inserted them correctly (sorry for TMI), and I'm hoping that I did a better job this time.

I'll go in on Friday for an ultrasound to see how the Clomid did it's magic and if my uterine lining is thick enough for implantation.

The annoying thing about Clomid is that it's anti-estrogenic, and actually works against the uterine lining, thus the need for estrogen supplements.

I'm feeling more hopeful this time, but also, I don't want to get my hopes up too high. It's still early in the cycle so it could go either way...if only science were a guarantee. But if it were that simple, there wouldn't be such a desire or yearning for those who have trouble conceiving.

Day 1: Clomid

After a bit of time off from infertility treatments and drugs, we decided to give Clomid another go. I'm not exactly sure what we'll do after this, but we'll see.

The difference in myself between last time and this time is that now I feel a lot more informed and educated about it. I've done a lot of research on my own so that I can know what I'm putting into my body. While it kind of freaks me out to think that I'm totally messing with my already messed up hormones, at least I know what's happening...without having a doctor's degree.

My hesitation with fertility treatments has definitely been the money factor and lack of success. Like, it really feels like a total waste of money (literally) flushed down the drain when you don't get your desired result. Am I right?

But I know that I can't look at it that way. At least we are doing something. We are taking some action. I feel like this whole endeavor definitely takes one part science and fifty parts faith. So much faith and trust in the unknown and what is to come.

I try and try and try to figure it out on my own, but I know ultimately that it's all in God's hands as to whether or not we get pregnant. As someone who is a control freak (mildly, haha), it's so hard to wrap my brain around that. I could probably do a thousand "right" or "correct" things, but none of that will guarantee anything.

So anyway, we've been on a drug break since October. So about six or seven months have gone by and no baby by our own efforts alone. I went back to see my OBGYN and she put me on another course of Clomid, at a higher dose 150mg/day for 5 days. There's also a little supplementation of estradiol suppositories (joy!) since Clomid is anti-estrogenic...how does that even work out.

Next Friday, I'll go back to the doctor's office for an ultrasound to see how Clomid worked and if I have a viable lining.

While I haven't conquered PCOS completely, I do believe that through my exercise and nutrition efforts, and losing about 15lbs since October, has helped overall. My cycles are irregular, but pretty consistent at 32 days. However, I had two cycles, one that lasted 40 days and one that lasted 45 days. Those were cycles when I got hopeful. I was holding out so hard on going to buy a pregnancy test. And just when I got to the point of deciding to go get one, my period showed up.

So we'll see how this goes. I hope the Clomid doesn't make me too crazy, for my husband's sake!

Dear Aunt Flo...

Why must you show up at the most inopportune moments? Seriously.

My period tracker app, Glow, estimated that my period should start on October 2. Then, unbeknownst to me, on September 30th there seems to be some spotting (sorry if it's TMI). When I noticed, I start Googling, and I try to convince myself that maybe it's implantation bleeding. The only thing is that the dates don't line up for it to be that.

I try to talk myself out of the idea that it's my period coming. Because that means the Ovidrel didn't work. Because it means that I stabbed myself in the stomach for seemingly nothing. Because it means that I wasted precious dollars on a dream deferred.

Alas, we are not pregnant. And AF came early. So instead of 28 days, it was 27. How rude is that? Especially when last month it was 31 days. Hey, body, get it together.

Seeing as how we're not pregnant, I'm giving the chemicals and drugs a rest. It was actually kind of weird to not start taking something on Day 3. It was a good feeling, strangely enough. I'm okay with it. I trust God and what he has planned for us, and it's this whole trying to get pregnant thing has me clinging to him. Trusting him. No matter what.

So what's next?

Well, in my never-ending research for resolving my PCOS and infertility, from supplements and superfoods, and vitamins and green smoothies, I started to look into Essential Oils. I have a handful of friends who swear by their oils for various uses, mostly for allergies, immunity, germs, and stress. Stuff started popping up in my Facebook feed more and more that I just had to check it out.

I'm a fairly skeptical person, and while I don't have any idea if Essential Oils will work for me or not, I'm thinking that at least it's all natural. It's not more chemicals and these oils have been shown to balance hormones (which is my main problem!) and help manage a whole bunch (too numerous to list) of ailments and issues.

After a lot of Googling and searching through blogs on Essential Oils, I found a few articles that specifically talked about PCOS and infertility. If figure that I can give it a whirl. Why not? It seems like a better choice than more Clomid and freaking my ovaries out and messing with natural hormones like estrogen and progesterone. I believe that I have estrogen-dominance and progesterone deficiency.

Fertility & PCOS:
Balanced Essentials
Essential Oils & Supplements for Male and Female Fertility
3 Essential Oils that Enhance Fertility
Essential Oils and Fertility
Female Infertility & Essential Oils
Increase Fertility with Essential Oils
Aromatherapy for Fertility
Ocotea Essential Oil
Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome

So I think that I'm going to take the plunge. Take the plunge into Essential Oils. Since I have a bunch of friends using Young Living, that's the route I've decided to go.

I'm looking forward to trying something new and healing myself naturally!

Natural Healing and All Things Woo-Woo

In our quest to get pregnant, I've been researching all kinds of things. And while I know it's more common to go the Western route and find a good reproductive endocrinologist (RE), there's just something about all the drugs and chemicals that makes me wary.

My period tracking app, Glow, tells me that I should get my next period on October 2. This has me thinking about several things. First, what if the Ovidrel and Clomid works and we get pregnant?! Second, what if the Ovidrel and Clomid didn't work, and yet another month "wasted". Third, what can I be doing to help myself that doesn't involve medication? Fourth, could this nutrition testing thing really work?

The "What-If's" are killer. I know I shouldn't dwell in them. It'll make me crazy.

So, I don't even know the actual "correct" term of the appointments I'm going to. But it's through my chiropractors office and they call it "Nutrition". I think the tech is a naturopath, trained in nutrition testing. Basically, she checks my nervous system for pulses and can find my deficiencies and areas that need supplementation.

Yeah, it looks and seems totally woo-woo.

I'm like, I could totally fake that. How do I know what she's doing is even real? How does she "feel" these things? It's really weird. But every time that I see her, and she gives me a new supplement, I Google it, and it seems to line up. On my first visit, she asked me if I ever had trouble with my thyroid. And I know that I'm probably a good candidate for hypothyroidism, but it's never come up with my doctor.

Anyway, I take so many supplements these days it's comical. I take Advocare's MNS 3 packets. I also take a whole host of different whole food supplements from my chiropractor. On top of that I have my Metformin prescription for the PCOS and prenatal vitamins. I imagine I have some really expensive pee.

Too far?

And then this cycle we did the Clomid and Ovidrel. Gosh, this waiting period is long, yet short. It's one of those situations where I just want to know! So that I can move to the next step, depending on what that is. I know that I shouldn't live in anticipation of what's next, but rather savor where I am now. I do. I try not to think about it too much, but when I walk my dog in the mornings, it's thoughts like this that tend to consume me.

I'm also wondering if at the end of the 12 nutrition appointments, if I should continue. It's OF COURSE not covered by insurance, so it's all out of pocket, and with the number of supplements I'm taking on a daily basis, it adds up quickly.

Thanks to good ol' Google, you can find a lot of information, and I have been reading up on Natural Fertility Info, and I think that may be next (if the Ovidrel didn't do it's thing). I've been reading about Femaprin and Maca Root, Vitex, Royal Jelly, and Evening Primrose Oil.

I told my husband that if we don't get pregnant, that I'd like to give the prescriptions a rest for the remainder of the year. Trying to get pregnant is hard work! (Yes, that's funny depending how you read it.) It's also way more difficult for us who have conditions like PCOS. Oh and I just learned that September is PCOS Awareness Month. If you want a comprehensive rundown of PCOS, check out Chelsea's post here.

I know it's in this period of waiting that I need to hold tight to my faith. And that's always the hardest time to do that. I know that He is able to exceed beyond what we could ever ask for or imagine. So I do, I hold tight to His promises and His will, especially during this time of waiting.

Adventures in Fertility

Dealing with infertility has been a roller coaster journey. There are ups and downs and days when you feel completely filled with hope and other days when you feel completely depleted. And it feels like a lonely journey because not many people talk about it. Or they talk about it after they've made it to the other side - after they successfully get pregnant.

It's crazy to me that the one thing I had avoided for several years is now the thing that I want so badly. It makes me wonder if being on birth control previously was even worth it. Well, due to the PCOS, I think it was a necessary evil.

Last cycle (August), we did a round of Clomid and I matured some follicles. Yay! However, my uterine lining was not thick enough. AGAIN. Womp womp. When stuff like this happens, besides feeling disappointed, I also feel like a month of my life was wasted and so was that money for the fertility drugs. Yet another month not pregnant. I know that's not really reality, but that's what it feels like.

This cycle, we did another round of Clomid, this time with Estradiol suppositories. Yeah, suppositories. It's about as glamorous as it sounds. Not at all. It's weird and awkward and there are side effects. Like hot flashes. (I'm too young for those!) The suppositories are supposed to help with the lining to thicken up. I had to go to a special compounding pharmacy to pick those bad boys up. For five days, starting on Day 3, I was taking the Clomid (100mg) and inserting the estrogen suppositories before bedtime.

On Day 11, I went back to my OBGYN for an ultrasound to see how the fertility drugs had worked. Well, I matured another two follicles. However, that lining? That lining is stubborn and did not take to the suppositories like it was supposed to. But since we've been working on getting me pregnant for months now, my OBGYN decided to make the executive decision to go for it anyway and trigger ovulation with the handy dandy pre-filled syringe - Ovidrel as well as some oral Estradiol tablets.

My doctor showed me how to pinch my stomach and administer the shot. It's a good thing I'm not scared of needles. She ordered the prescription and I gathered my courage for this next step.

I went to our local Walgreens to pick everything up, except it turns out that they don't have the Ovidrel in stock. So I asked if they could find it because it was important that I take it the next day. After waiting in the Walgreens sitting area for almost 45 minutes, the pharmacist was able to track down a syringe of the stuff about 30 minutes away. Considering that I didn't have much of a choice, we drove out there. Oh by the way, that was not a cheap prescription...since it's not covered by insurance. (Apparently I need to move to Massachusetts where good insurance exists!)

The next day, Day 12, we did the trigger shot. I asked my husband to hold my skin for me as I gave myself the shot. And it wasn't bad at all. The needle is so skinny that it pretty much just slides under the skin and you kind of feel a small pinch when you inject the fluid, but it was no big deal especially in comparison to say a blood draw or giving blood. The needle was way smaller.

And then, as they say on pregnancy forums, there was required BD time. It took some Googling to figure out that stands for "Baby Dance"...I'm so not current on pregnancy acronyms. It's slightly unnerving when you have to BD at a certain and time, but at least it's fun.

And now we wait. We wait to see if AF (Aunt Flo, more acronyms!) comes in two weeks. Even then if AF doesn't come, I feel like I need to wait at least another week in case it's off by a few days.

I'm feeling hopeful, but at the same time I don't want to get my hopes up too high, because the disappointment is going to be big.

The waiting feels like torture. Because I want to think about it. I want to make scenarios of "what ifs" and such. I obviously want it to be positive. Want more acronyms? I want a BFP (big fat positive).

(Side note: I've never participated in online pregnancy forums, partially because half the time I can't read what they are saying because of all the darn acronyms - I do see how they are handy though.)

Are you going through infertility? What is your story?

Is it time for a Specialist?

Back in June, I went to see my doctor for a follow up after taking Femara to stimulate my ovaries and hopefully ovulate. I went in for a sonogram, and while some follicles had matured, the lining of the uterus was not thick enough to support implantation.

Or as I understood it, even if there was a fertilized egg, it wouldn't stick, and the pregnancy wouldn't stick. Great.

But, my OBGYN wasn't discouraged, and referred me to an RE - Reproductive Endocrinologist for those who can't read pregnancy/infertility code (I always have to google it). I thought it might be a little premature to see a specialist, but she was confident that they could give me better guidance than she could. She just felt it was slightly out of her scope of knowledge when it comes to OBGYN stuff. And since I'm just a tad over 30, she said she didn't need to be wasting my time if it wasn't going to work.

Now here's the thing with going to see a fertility specialist. I feel like "fertility" is sort of like the word "wedding". You add it in front of anything and instantly things get expensive. Oh and unless you have crazy awesome insurance, insurance typically doesn't cover fertility specialists.

Or as the insurance customer service rep said, "You plan covers diagnostics, but if you are diagnosed with anything, there is no coverage." Yay. Awesome. Sweet. I get to pay everything!

But when you want a baby, and you know that there's still hope that you can have one yourself, you'll do what you need to do. So I made an appointment, wrote down all the notes that my OBGYN had told me so I could prep for the consultation, and got ready.

The RE's office warned me that I would have to pay the consultation fee up front just in case my insurance didn't cover it. (Annoying point #1).

I got to the office for my appointment and signed in. I sat down in the waiting room and spotted a man with a little white paper bag. Yeah, I knew what that was for. When our glances crossed paths, we both looked away quickly. Awkward.

The nurse called my name and we did the basics: vital signs, weight, height, basic history. Yada yada. She led me into an exam room to wait for the doctor. I thought it was kind of weird because the room was basically dark save for a lamp. I sat on the rolling stool to the side of the exam table, typically used for sonograms based on the equipment in the room.

After what felt like twenty minutes (probably less), but I did play a couple rounds of 2048 and checked Instagram several times, the doctor came to get me and walked me down to his office.

So here's the thing, I generally try to avoid male doctors when it comes to lady part type issues. However, there seems to be a HUGE gap in the reproductive endocrinology field between men and women. After some Googling, most practices are run by men. Fine, that's cool. I still think it's weird that men are interested in parts they'll never have or truly understand, but whatever, such is life.

Anyway, the RE starts asking me questions and going over history and basic stuff. Then he tells me about the general course of treatment. Sonogram, clomid, sonogram, HCG shots, another sonogram (I'm probably missing something since I'm recalling this from memory), then pray you get pregnant. (That's my dumbed down version).

I told him about what my doctor said about thin uterine lining and asked about that because based on what my OBGYN said, it sounded like they would just have to give me some pills or shots or something to build up the lining for the next round. But he said that we'd have to go through the basics of sonograms and Clomid to get the base line of where I was at. (Annoying point #2)

I like to think of myself as a pragmatist. I try to do things that make the most sense financially and healthwise, generally speaking. And basically, the course of treatment he was describing sounded EXACTLY like what my OBGYN could do. In my mind, if my OB could do it in her office, WHY would I pay everything out of pocket to see the RE, if the treatment was THE SAME?

With the RE, the same course of treatment would cost $450 + the cost of prescriptions, while with my OB it would be $20 copays + the cost of prescriptions. Or, a fraction of the cost.

It just wasn't adding up for me. Why would I choose the more expensive route if the treatment was EXACTLY THE SAME? I was telling my mom about this, and I told her that if the RE had suggested something outside of what my OBGYN and I had discussed or a totally different course, then I would have considered moving forward with the RE.

But if it's the same....then WHY pay more?

Please know that these are simply my own opinions and anyone else who is wading the seas of infertility, you can make whatever choices you want and I have no judgment about them. But for me, it just didn't make sense.

Luckily, I was going to see my OBGYN later that week for my annual well woman exam and she asked me if I had made an appointment to see the RE. I told her I had already met him and his plan of action. Probably the best thing that happened and why I love my OBGYN was that she gave me this look that said, "ARE YOU SERIOUS? THAT'S WHAT HE SAID?"

She asked if I had told him about the thin uterine lining and estrogen stuff and I had. So I asked her if we could just proceed with her office, and instead of Femara, try Clomid, and see how that goes. I told her the same thing I told my mom, and practical standpoint of it just being less expensive to work with her office for now.

So that's where we're at. Next cycle I'll start with Clomid on Day 3. We'll see what that does.