False Alarm

I had promised myself that I wouldn't freak out. That I wouldn't throw a fit. That I wouldn't get depressed.

Well, when I started to spot last Thursday, on Day 32, I was so sad and disappointed.

I had told myself that I wasn't going to let it affect me like it had previously, but it did. Bigger than I expected.

Because this was our first medicated cycle after taking a break for six months, I was really hopeful. I thought also because I had lost another 10-15lbs that it would help things along as well.

Everything was going well, or so I thought.

But then, like old reliable, on Day 32 (why are my cycles 32 days?!), I started to spot and the red tide arrived.

Thursday was hard. I was really upset. I was disappointed. I was discouraged.

Why does it all have to be so hard? Why is it so hard for us and so easy for others? I know I'm not supposed to compare lives and I don't know the backstories for other people, but still.

Some people get sneezed on, then boom. Teenagers barely do anything, and boom.

But I'm done being upset. It's not getting me anywhere.

Instead, I binge-watched Finding Carter all weekend long. I became obsessed with the show. Hey, there's nothing a little binge-watching can't fix, right?

Onto the next cycle.

I actually have my annual OBGYN appointment tomorrow, and unfortunately, we've missed the window to try Clomid for this cycle. So I guess we'll just see how things play out naturally and then move on to see a specialist next.