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The end of the year and beginning of a new year always makes me very reflective. I like to think about what happened, what worked, what didn't work, and what's next. Thanks to Lara Casey for these prompts to get the ball rolling.
STEP FOUR: What are the three biggest lessons you learned from what DID work?
- Trust God. Always. This has got to be the biggest lesson I've learned this year. It took a long time to get me to this place; this place of turning to God first in all situations good and bad and talking to Him to get me through it. And in trusting Him, I surrender my control. For a control freak, that's saying a lot. But every time that I turned to Him first, I got an answer. That doesn't mean that it was my answer, but it was what was in his plan for me.
- Do what you love. I found that I did my best work when I was excited and passionate about it. It's tough to get through a project that you don't care about or have any motivation for. A couple of the styled photo shoots I worked on this year really fired me up and made me see that doing what I love creates the best work. In addition, listening to my heart. For the last several months, even through the rebranding process, I've questioned whether or not to continue with weddings as a core part of my business. I've prayed on it and asked God to remove the desire from my heart if it is not something I should continue to pursue. I believe that in listening to my heart, I'm listening to God and his plan for my life. There's just a little part of me that wants to hold on to that idea that the whole reason I started was to shoot weddings, and that by giving it up, I'll be giving up my dream. But there's some quote that says you have to say "no" to good things to say "yes" to great things....I'm still reflecting and praying on this!
- Focus on what matters most. This has been a huge lesson to me this year. While it was highlighted during the course of Making Things Happen Intensive in Austin, I believe that it's been something tugging at my heart strings this year. What matters most in my life? To me it's my husband, my family, my dog, my inner circle of friends. People. Connections. Feeding that connectedness makes me come alive. Everything else, just secondary. I know that if I focus on what matters most, I'll have everything that I need. I won't get caught up in frivolous things..like social media banter and useless gossip. I want to spend more time with family (though we have no family that is local), more time with friends (we really want to host more), and start a family of our own.
STEP FIVE: What are the three biggest things you learned from what DIDN’T work?
- Don't worry. Pray. Worrying. It's pointless. And as a recovering worrier...I've learned to pray instead. One of the greatest things that I've done in just the last quarter of 2012 was to write down my prayers. It's been really cool to go back and see how God has moved in my life and in the life of others. There were nights this year where I wouldn't be able to sleep because I was worried about something and my mind would just run around like a hamster in a wheel. On and on. It's been a process, but now whenever I start to feel some worries come on, I turn to prayer, whether it's on paper or just talking to God. A few months ago, after reading a devotional from our church, part of the task was to sit down and just talk to God as if He was sitting across the table from me. It was awkward at first, but at the same time, it was freeing and liberating just giving it all to Him. I even got emotional in some of my prayers...probably because they meant so much. So prayer has been HUGE for me this year, especially in the face of worry.
- Comparison is the thief of joy. I know that I cannot compare my successes/failures to someone else's successes/failures. But it's so easy! And the fastest way to launching myself into discouragement is comparing myself with others. Thanks to good ol' social media, it's even easier to sit behind my computer screen and see what everyone else is doing/sharing/making happen. And it's really easy to make it look like I'm doing big things thanks to social media...It's really interesting whenever I talk to someone and they ask me about my business. "Oh looks like you've been busy" "Looks like you're doing really well" "Seems like you're always doing something." Looks can be deceiving, my friends. And this is where I struggle in the digital world. It's easy to look busy. But busy doesn't mean successful, necessarily. When other people comment that it looks like I've been busy, it's hard to just admit that, "no, not really," or "actually my business needs more clients" or anything of the sort. I feel like admitting that my business is not where I want it to be shows weakness. Part of me strives to be authentic at all times, but the other part of me is terrified of looking vulnerable because in my mind that's a sign of weakness and failure. I know that's not the case. I think it might be different if those reading my blog were purely other photographers and creatives...but since there may also be potential clients, I feel like looking like a hot mess, like I don't know what I'm doing could be detrimental....is this the case?! My fear is that I don't want to appear like a failure to others. I know that one of the biggest things I struggle with on a constant basis is knowing that I am enough and that the opinions and thoughts of "others" don't matter. You know, I thought that those insecurities would be gone when high school is over, but that's definitely not the case.
- Push through the difficult things to get to the good things. I have a fear of money. Not having enough of it. Running out of it. This whole scarcity mentality going on. Because of that, I don't like to look at my finances (until absolutely necessary) which I know is not healthy in either my personal life or my business. So instead of cringing to look at my bank account, I set up a date with myself once a month to check everything out and make sure that it's on track. I've actually found joy using Excel spreadsheets to keep things in check and I use Outright.com for my business. Outright makes it super easy to keep track of business income and expenses without making it complicated. I've found that whenever I do get into my finances, business or personal, and push through it, I'm always relieved and glad that I did, in fact do it. There's something to be said for "ignorance is bliss"...until you've ignored it so long that it's out of control. Something that we're working on in 2013 is to get out of debt (minus the house) and I've read Dave Ramsey's book Total Money Makeover and after working some numbers, we can do it! These things aren't fun, but once you do them, it makes life so much easier.
STEP SIX: What is your 2013 VISION? What kind of life do you want to live this year? Where do you want to be when you’re 80? WHY do you do what you do? What is your mission? What is your CORE?
I want to live my life with an abundance mentality. Of giving, of sharing, of growing. Of helping others. I want to live a life where I'm not worried about money or not having enough. I want to live a life where there's always enough and more and enough to share, whether it's money, time, resources, or knowledge. I want to be surrounded by those that matter most to me, building a life with my husband that is full of joy and centered on the Lord. I want to live an authentic life, where I can share my heart and not worry about what other people may think of me. I want to live with confidence in who I am, in who I am in my marriage, and who I will become as we start a family. I want to spend my days filling my life with inspiring things, not getting caught up in what other people are doing. Happily celebrating other people's successes. I want to live a bright, inspired, authentic life. (I'm still figuring out how to do that). When I'm 80, I want to have an arsenal of life stories to share with my grandchildren. I want to go on adventures. I want to travel. I want to see the world beyond the social media walls. I want to change the lives of others, even if in just a small way. I want to help women feel important and beautiful when they don't see it themselves. I want to have a successful business - one that is both fulfilling and takes care of the needs of my family. I want to create art, but I also want to run a profitable business. I want to meet people and build meaningful connections, knowing that it means that not everyone will be my friend. I want to live a life freed from the chains of comparison. I want to live a life that is open to trying new things. I want to have a life that gives more than it receives. I want to live a passionate life, passionate about my work. I want to write my own definition of success. I want to have a life that is simple. I want simplify what is complicated and life my best life yet. I want to help people. I want to inspire people. I want to add value to the lives of others. I want to put myself out there more. Create more. Listen to my heart. Listen to advice from people who have my back. Eat less, move more. Buy Less, make more. Stress less, laugh more. Feel blessed, love more. Worry less, live more. Breathe.
As a business person, I often struggle with the idea of posting deeply personal posts that would show my weaknesses. There is a fine line between being authentic and showing that you're a hot mess. Because while it's a goal of mine to be authentic in everything I write on my photography blog, at the same time, I don't want to look like I don't know what I'm doing...as if I shouldn't be in business. You know what I mean?
There's this line of keeping up appearances and having it all together and just admitting that I don't have it all together. But if my potential client is reading... wouldn't that make her close the window and run away? As you can see, I struggle with this question. A LOT.
I feel like for the last year, I've been blogging on my photography blog, no longer for myself, but for the reader in mind. And with that, I think that I have lost my voice in the process. There's just something that has changed. Like my blogging voice has become more business-y and I don't know how to get back to just being me.
Earlier this year, I rebranded and worked with a talented group of women who came up with my three words that I should always be keeping in mind - bright, authentic, and inspired. Part of me feels conflicted in trying to stay authentic, without revealing what a hot mess I really am. How do you reconcile this?
One of my favorite and inspiring people in the world is Lara Casey, and I feel privileged to call her a friend as well. She blogged about Goal Setting + Making Things Happen in 2013 and I'm sharing my journey here.
STEP ONE: Let's take a look back at what worked in 2012. Make your list of things you made happen in 2012 and things you are grateful for.
- I'm so thankful for my husband. He is my rock and the logical one when I get stressed out. He always finds the silver lining when I don't. He talks me off the ledge and encourages me like no one else. I'm so thankful for our marriage and trusting the Lord through it all.
- This year, we adopted Kevin, a black and tan dachshund who is just a wonderful addition to our family. I was so hesitant to adopt a dog; I didn't think I wanted the responsibility. But his picture came up on a local Dachshund rescue board, and I was in love. I applied and we were able to adopt him! I wouldn't trade him for the world, even if he makes a mistake in the house.
- I'm super grateful for the last year on my faith journey. This year has shown me undoubtedly that I am where I'm supposed to be. I can see how God orchestrated my life to come to Texas so that I could have a relationship with Him. A real relationship. One that includes time in the Word, attending a great church, serving, having a great Home Team (small group), and real prayer. I didn't really realize all of this until this year, and I am so thankful for all of His blessings. I am thankful for a relationship with the Lord and the ability to talk to God when I need to. I'm so thankful for His grace. Life would not be the same. And for me to even talk about it is huge. I am often hesitant to speak on my faith, especially growing up in California where it's taboo to offend anyone about anything. I'm still getting comfortable talking about my story, but I'm getting there. I LOVE our Home Team - it has been such a blessing to be a part of this group and I'm looking forward to growing in fellowship with them in 2013.
- I'm also thankful to be able to serve through my talents with the photography ministry at church. It's great to be able to help when I can. I'm also thankful that I started to serve with The Mix, the student ministry at church. The students have an inspiring energy to learn and know Jesus...something I wish I had at that age. I also completed a 365 day devotional that finished today... while I didn't read every day - I did read every weekday and spent time in the Word with God and just giving it all to Him. So thankful.
- I'm thankful for my business. It hasn't been easy building a business from the ground up. I try to remind myself of that all the time. Sometimes I hope and I wish that there was such a thing as overnight success, but I know that is just a pipe dream, and that's okay. I know that doing the hard work is worth it. I know that if it were easy, everyone would be doing it. I choose to do it because I love it. This year, I dove into the genre of high school senior portraiture for girls and I've loved it! While the clientele is still slowly building, I did have my first full paying client and I'm excited to see where this goes.
- I also dabbled in some glamour photography a la Sue Bryce (a brilliant New Zealand/Australian portrait photographer!) It was so fun. I'm not quite ready to launch that side, but I believe that it will be done in 2013.
- I rebranded this year! Finally. I was sitting on a brand...well, a logo really, and it just wasn't working for me anymore. I worked with some wonderful women to really define my identity and I'm thrilled with the results. I love that the words that they came up with as my branding words are "bright, inspired, and authentic" things that I strive to be in business and my life. This has been something I've been wanting to get done for almost two year. Check and mark.
- I love education, especially in the photography industry and I'm so thankful for being able to help and attend The Fix, go to WPPI in Las Vegas, and attend Making Things Happen in Austin. The Fix and WPPI were photography related and MTH Austin was life related and just what I needed to fire me up.
- I took on a goal of mine - to host a workshop - which I did with a friend, Elisa - called Lookbook Lab. I love the name of it. It was something I dreamed of and I'm stoked we made it happen. I also did two styled shoots, one was my idea - a 4th of July inspired shoot and one I photographed for a designer - a glamping shoot. Both took lots of hard work and determination to make them happen and I'm so happy they came together.
- I photographed one wedding this year and had the opportunity to second shoot several times this year. I also photographed details for a few clients, which I love! It's quick and the work is always beautiful AND it's something that the client needs because usually the photographer that's there, doesn't care about the details - their work!
- I finally put some elbow grease into make my office a real office after living in this house for three years. I finally got some cubby shelving and painted the office. I still have another wall to paint, which I will get done this year. The office will be completed this year!
- I was stoked that the casting calls I did for high school senior girls went great. I was looking for a handful of girls and actually had 16! I had so many that I broke it up into 3 different shoots.
- I also went back to California to serve my loyal family session clients. While I don't take on family session work, I will totally fly to California for them!
- I'm grateful that we were able to spend the holidays with family. Thanksgiving with my family in California and Christmas with his family in Georgia. I wish that we could have stayed with my family for longer, but alas, that's the way the cookie crumbles.
- I went to the dentist. FINALLY.
- Making a dream come true: booking a wedding for a dear friend in...FRANCE!! Yahoo!
STEP TWO: What didn't work? In business and life, what didn't work well to help you live your best life this year and what needs improvement?
- Overall office organization TOTALLY needs work. I admit that I'm a piler, not a filer. And I get comfortable in the mess as well. If a neat freak saw my desk right now, they probably would fall down dead. I really want to get better in the organization department this year. I know that it will take baby steps, but I need to be more organized. I want to attack office clutter with a vengeance and stop it before it becomes clutter. Clutter is crazy and then I get to the point where I'm just complacent with it and just let it sit.
- I'm terrible about money sometimes. I'm either really good or really horrible. I just avoid it. But I know that it no way to live. ESPECIALLY having a business. I need to know where I am and where I want to go. So at the end of the year, I got really serious and busted out the Excel and made spreadsheets and started organizing myself. Things I should have done since January.
- Okay, this is a hard one for me because this is something that I've been wanting to make work for 2.5 years and it's still a struggle. It makes me question if I should even continue to pursue it anymore: weddings. I was really hoping that after my first wedding in Texas that it would create some referrals and that would start to grow, but if I'm being really honest, it hasn't. Weddings hasn't worked for me. And I get really bummed out because I start to compare myself to other people and their tons of bookings and I start to wonder what's wrong with me. But on the other hand, maybe this is God's way of telling me to focus on the other genres? I pray all the time for this clarity, and I'm just looking for the discernment to follow what He wants me to do.
- I had the stint of Glamour portfolio building and I gave referral cards to each client, but it did not generate the referrals that I thought it would. This is something I'm working on in 2013.
- While I did have something published, I had a couple of projects that I was not able to get published. And bear with me this is going to be a moment of "woe-is-me" but there are some styled shoots out there where I wonder why didn't they ask me to shoot it... I know, it's terrible. It makes me question my work. It's crazy, but it's the honest truth. It makes me think that there's something wrong with my work....like I'm not hipster or artsy enough...alas.
- Facebook promos offering sales - this didn't work. And I'm okay with it. I would much rather have a qualified client over someone looking for a deal. I just thought that "everyone else is doing it..." Yeah, I shouldn't have thought that.
- So earlier this year I found out that I may have a condition called Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) which could cause infertility. My doctor told me that the number one way to help is to lose some weight and lessen the amount of carbs consumed. THOSE EVIL CARBS! So I researched and learned about eating Paleo - basically meat, vegetables, and fruits. Eating like a caveman. I found it kind of hard and after a few weeks gave up. I felt great after I started, but I lacked the discipline to keep going. Will restart in 2013.
- Exercising - I started 2012 pretty well. Then, after we got the dog, I fell off the bandwagon and made excuses not to exercise. Exercise will go hand in hand with getting in shape especially if we want to start a family in 2013.
- I think that I may have been kind of depressed part of the year in 2012. About my business. So I allowed myself to get complacent and be lazy. I would wake up and after I read my Bible and prayed, I would watch episodes of Criminal Minds and Gilmore Girls..and before I knew it, it was 11am, and I hadn't done any work. I would waste most of the day because I didn't know what I should be doing and I was bored and depressed. I still battle it at times, especially when I see what other people are doing and I compare myself and wish for what they had. I know, it's terrible, but it's honest.
- So I have this dry erase calendar on the wall that I used in January. And NEVER ERASED for the next month. In fact, I only erased it in December to start over for 2013. I plan to do better.
- I really wanted to thrill my client and give them gifts for booking and the like. My follow up and follow through has been less than stellar. The customer service has been good with email and such, but the client experience has't been all that I want it to be. Same goes for packaging. I think that because I didn't have a huge client base or wasn't busy all the time, I let the idea of packaging slide. So when I finally had a client to serve, I ran around like a chicken with my head cut off trying to figure out what to do for packaging. That, and my rebrand and it being up in the air for a while.
- In addition to overall organization, I lacked a real set workflow. The workflow I had after the photos were edited was kind of crazy and didn't work. I've been wanting to refine my workflow forever and this year it needs to happen. I need to set myself up for success.
STEP THREE: What fires you up?
My husband
Traveling
FRANCE!
dachshunds - Kevin
the ocean
spending time in the Word
date nights
writing
excel spreadsheets
coffee
conversations
community
friendship
fellowship
vacation, time off, time away
family
making babies happen
getting healthy - for good
efficiency
organized spaces
the beach
making someone feel important/beautiful
being authentic
sharing helping others
flexibility
financial stability
faith & tithing
simplicity
culture
interracial, interfaith, intercultural weddings, marriages, children
Making Things Happen in 2013: my Pinterest board of what fires me up!
What fires you up?
