Where are we now

After the miscarriage happened, I had to take a step back and just allow myself to feel all the feelings. Once the physical part of the process had passed, a lot of my grief and frustration felt like it passed as well. I think I was most sad, and felt the most feelings, between finding out and going through the miscarriage.

It was kind of weird. I guess grieving is such a personal process, that there is no "right" way of doing it.

But I'll be honest, I felt a little guilty that I wasn't more sad. Is that weird? Once it had all passed, it was therapeutic (albeit the worst physical thing I've gone through so far in life). I felt guilty that I "got over it" so quickly. Perhaps it was because it was only at 5 weeks. We didn't know the gender or pick a name....

I had to wait until my next cycle started before doing anything else. I also had to go into my doctor's office for a blood draw to check my hCG levels. I did that bi-weekly until I got down to zero. However, the last blood draw I had, the level was still only at 1.3... the hCG just lingered in my system. It went from like 1400, to 300, to 4, to 1.3....

Also, what I wish I could have known before the start of my first cycle post-miscarriage, is that your period can be SUPER HEAVY. Like SUPER HEAVY. I know this probably doesn't happen to everyone, but just know that it's a possibility. Honestly, it was kind of like the flow I experienced in my miscarriage, but drawn out over 7 days. And clots. LOTS of clots. (Sorry for the TMI) But I would have wanted to know.

My doctor's office told me to wait until my next cycle before coming in again.

All the waiting. So much waiting. But I guess that's just what is required in this journey. Waiting.